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THE QUESTION
I have a young direct report on my team who is doing great work. I see a lot of potential, but their one quirk is that they cry whenever I give them constructive feedback. Providing feedback is a necessary part of the job. How can I better deliver constructive feedback to an emotional employee?
THE FIRST ANSWER
Neha Khurram, Talent Consultant, Coach Neha & Co., Toronto
It’s great to hear you are willing to adapt your communication style to better manage your high-potential employee who may be experiencing a sense of guilt or shame when criticized. When offering feedback to a sensitive employee, start by reflecting on your delivery. Are your messages clear and consistent? Even if your tone feels neutral to you, consider softening your language and using calm, measured phrasing to reduce emotional impact. Guide them toward a solution and clarify the desired outcome or change in behaviour you are seeking to shift focus from dwelling on the mistake or how they fell short.
If the employee is early in their career or new to professional settings, they may interpret feedback as personal criticism rather than developmental guidance. Normalize feedback as part of team growth. Share that everyone receives it and frame it as a shared tool for progress.
For those who find real-time feedback emotionally overwhelming, ask if they’d prefer asynchronous options such as an e-mail or chat message. This can give them time to process without the pressure of an immediate response.
To build long-term trust and adaptability, consider introducing “personal user manuals” across the team. This encourages open conversation about work and communication preferences and reinforces a culture of psychological safety.
Here area few sample prompts for a personal user manual (adapted from Atlassian):
- Work: What’s your work setup and schedule?
- Communicate: What methods and channels work best for you?
- Feedback: How do you prefer to give and receive feedback (tone, timing and format)?
- Values: What do you care most about?
- Achieve: What accomplishment are you most proud of?
This exercise helps teammates understand themselves and each other to collaborate better.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Judit Lovas, career coach, Judit Lovas Coaching and Consulting, St. John’s
Navigating today’s multifaceted workplace means learning to deliver feedback to people with diverse needs and comfort levels. While this can sometimes feel frustrating, your role as a manager is to create psychological safety – a space where everyone feels secure enough to receive honest, constructive input.
One effective way to reduce anxiety around feedback is to establish a predictable, structured feedback ritual within your team members. This might involve regular check-ins or choosing a consistent time and setting. Such practices can make the process feel less intimidating and more collaborative. The goal is to normalize feedback as a supportive, two-way conversation and not a surprise confrontation.
Involve your team in shaping this process. Ask how they prefer to receive feedback: some may appreciate a written summary before an in-person discussion, while others might feel more at ease in a casual setting, such as a walk outdoors. Co-designing the approach empowers your team and increases the likelihood that your message will be well received.
Even with thoughtful preparation, emotional reactions such as crying may still occur. If they do, resist the urge to rush or apologize. Instead, pause, offer support and allow the person time to regroup. Then continue the conversation calmly and empathetically. Focus on facts and emphasize that your intention is to support their career growth and not to criticize.
Always begin and end by highlighting their strengths and potential. Let them know you value their work and believe in their future. When handled with care, feedback becomes less about correction and more about connection.
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