Thanksgiving approaches. On Monday October 13, Canadians who did not celebrate on Sunday October 12, will, according to Claude AI, “give thanks for the harvest and blessings of the past year” in a way that “has a more low-key feel compared to American Thanksgiving and isn’t as heavily commercialized.”
The tradition dates to 1578 in the arctic, when Sir Martin Frobisher and his crew gave thanks for not being dead. We’ve been giving thanks ever since.
Gratitude sets the scene for renewal, which is why we celebrate Thanksgiving in autumn. After all, “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.” It may be hard to believe but I have been accused of possessing a cynical, ungrateful outlook toward driving. This criticism was articulated recently by “app_71259796,” who wrote in the comments of a column, “A lot of these columns describe driving as frustrating and time-consuming…So when do we get the columns on how wonderful and worthwhile it is to own a car, to maintain it, to take delight in just . . . cars? The wonder of it all? (Waiting . . .)”
Well, app_71259796, the wait is over. I am bursting with thanks and brimming with wonder. If it’s got four wheels and a steering wheel, I’m going to fall to my knees and commend it.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful for the following automobile-related things:
Winter tires. I’m grateful that I get to pay a lot of money to have my all-season tires replaced by winter tires. People are wrong when they consider this the “first slap” of winter. No, it’s not. It’s a wonderful opportunity to say “Hey, I’d like you to have some money” to your mechanic.
Not driving anywhere for thanksgiving: Years ago, my family and I would cram into our Anti-Porsche minivan and drive hours to visit relatives for Thanksgiving. It was lovely when we finally got there but the driving was hellish. The congestion and highway traffic jams could be so severe that I would get convinced that we’d crossed into another dimension and were in limbo. That’s all done. This year, I am going to drive my backside from a chair to a couch.
Still construction on Lake Shore Boulevard East and the Gardiner: Some people find comfort in religion or science; they cling to a belief system on which they can anchor their lives. I have the construction between Leslie Street and Jarvis Street and on the Gardiner Expressway which I am certain have continued continuously for the last 15 years. I’m grateful this construction will continue to infinity. It is inviolate and will never end. It is the only constant in this ever-changing universe, and it is why I believe in intelligent design.
Manual transmission. I am grateful that manual transmission still exists. I am grateful that it can be found in the Cadillac CT4-V Blackwing, Ford Bronco and Mustang and the Jeep Wrangler. I’m grateful that Porsche is keeping the manual transmission. I’m grateful that, when I rent a car in Italy, it costs less to rent one with manual transmission. I could fix distracted driving in a single fell swoop. Get rid of automatic transmission and go back to stick shift. Done.
No Chinese EVs. I am grateful for the federal government’s 100-per-cent tariff on Chinese electric vehicles. If it didn’t exist then Canadians could buy cheap, safe, well-built, EVs and stop driving gas guzzlers. Climate change is the single greatest threat to humanity in the history of our world, we are facing an existential crisis, and we must do everything in our power to stop it — unless it slightly harms the Canadian automotive industry.
Apple CarPlay. I’m grateful when my Apple CarPlay synchronizes with my iPhone and I can play music or podcasts or audiobooks. I’m still grateful when it doesn’t for some unknown reason (maybe it’s mad at me). I feel nothing but thankful when I keep clicking on “manage mobile devices” and Apple CarPlay essentially shrugs and gives me the cold shoulder. I want Apple CarPlay to know my gratitude and try to keep it in mind.
New snow brush: I’m grateful that I just bought a new Certified Snow Brush with Ice Scraper. All the other Certified Snow Brush with Ice Scrapers I’ve bought – I buy one every year – disappointed me. But this one, this new one, it’s going to do the job. Snow and ice will fear it. Hope springs eternal.
Eglinton Crosstown LRT construction. See: “Still Construction on Lake Shore Boulevard East and the Gardiner.” It. Will. Never. End.
Speeder privacy. I’m grateful that the Ford government will not release the name of the driver of a “cabinet-assigned vehicle” that was “recorded driving more than 50 kilometres an hour over the speed limit 12 times in the past three years.” Global News, which broke the story, reported that government privacy officials claimed revealing the name would violate personal privacy and could threaten the “safety or health of an individual.” Of course, cynics might argue that stunt driving at 162 km/h could violate the “safety and health of an individual” hit by a car driven by a government employee stunt driving at 162 km/h. I am grateful the Ford government does not agree. I say, “Who among us has not been recorded driving more than 50 km/h over the speed limit 12 times in the past three years? He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at the unnamed stunt driver.”
Honourable mention: Left lane hogs. Drivers who don’t understand rules of the right-of-way. People who take two parking spaces. I’m grateful that they remind me no one is perfect, so it’s okay that I am very not perfect.
Happy Thanksgiving. Pass the cranberry sauce.