Illustration by Alex Siklos
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Around this time of year, I start getting the same two-word question from friends and strangers alike: summer plans? My answer – that my 12- and 15-year-old sons spend six-weeks at sleepaway camp and have done so for the last three years — is met with a nearly universal response.
“I could never do that. I would miss my kids too much.” Or it’s, “My kid would never do that. They wouldn’t want to be away from me.” Sometimes, I hear the envious, “Wow, you must have so much time on your hands!” And though they rarely say it to me directly, I imagine some are wondering, “that must be really expensive. Is it worth it?”
It got me thinking about why I feel so strongly about sleepaway camp and the privilege of being able to send my kids there. It’s not about the attachment between me and my kids (we miss each other!); rather, my motivation is deeply rooted in the opportunity for my children’s personal growth.
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My husband and I both grew up in Ontario where full-summer sleepaway camps are more common than on the East Coast. We started going (to different camps) at eight and by age 10 were away for the whole summer. We kept going back every summer until we were counsellors. We both have close friends to this day who we met at our overnight camps. I believe camp fundamentally shaped who we are today. We learned flexibility and empathy by living in a cabin with kids of various backgrounds, interests and personalities, we learned conflict resolution without parental involvement and honed leadership skills as counsellors. And we did it in real life, something many parents and children’s mental health experts lament is inaccessible in today’s digital world. Sleepaway camp is an extended screen-free holiday.
But for me, the most meaningful opportunity offered by sleepaway camp is the chance to be a different “you.” To choose new activities and, most importantly, friends without pre-existing knowledge or background about one’s personality or interests. Always wanted to be a soccer goalie but wasn’t good enough to make the school soccer team? Fancy singing in a musical but not part of the theatre crowd at home? Feel boxed in as the “quiet” kid but ready to make your opinions known? Overnight camps give kids a chance.
When I was in Grade 7, my parents moved. I started a new school and struggled immensely to fit in and make friends. I was bullied quietly and harshly. I was a girl with few friends, who was studious and unathletic. My self-esteem plummeted from daily interactions at school where I suppressed my true self. Thankfully, I was already a few summers into sleepaway camp; it was my safe haven.
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I was, in fact, the complete opposite when I went to sleepaway camp. At camp, my authentic self emerged: I was outgoing and gregarious and the people I wanted to be friends with signalled that they valued me as a friend, too. I had my first kiss and my first boyfriend at camp – I felt desirable. I was even a starting player on my soccer team for the “all camp” soccer tournament. At 13, I could see the dichotomy of me play out between school and camp. It was the beginning of learning how my social environment shapes how I present myself to the world, and that I have autonomy over the “me” I want to show up as. While I still muddled my way through Grade 8, by Grade 9 when I started high school I was ready to try again to show up as the person I wanted to be.
In the weeks leading up to camp this summer, my older son was upset. He runs with a sporty crowd and although he loves sports and is good at them, many of his friends are better. As we were talking, he blurted out “It’s so different at camp. At camp, I’m a sports superstar! But they don’t realize it’s not true.”
My heart almost burst. I explained to my son that this is the magic of camp. At camp, you are with different people with different skills and expectations, and you can try on new and exciting parts of yourself. So, of course, it can be true that you are a sports superstar at camp. And you might try on some other parts of yourself while you’re at it – no one will know it when you do. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Learn about the “you” you want to be. And start counting down the days to when you head back.
Natalie Rosen lives in Halifax.