The Walthamstow dog track in the northeastern suburbs of London stopped offering greyhound racing in 2008, which is a real shame. It was a beautiful, gaudy place, despite the fact that its carpets were intentionally the colour of dried blood. You always expected to see Michael Caine coming out of the gents carrying a crème de menthe and a sweaty fiver.
It attracted a few hipsters in its dying days, and occasionally a family would visit, only to be reduced to tears by the abuse hurled dogward by the ancient regulars, but otherwise it faded into obscurity, a victim of changing tastes.
The dog track never learned the lessons of its most famous former employee, David Beckham - that adaptability is the key to life. If the track's owners had only looked to Becks, they would have realized you need to change with the times, and no matter how low you fall, you can always - with a little humility and a properly engineered pair of underpants - rise to the top again.
Beckham used to work as a "pot boy" at the dog track, collecting pint glasses for £10 a night. I know this because I once went on a pilgrimage along the David Beckham Trail, a tour of the holiest sites in the childhood of St. Goldenballs of Chingford. He grew up there, even if his up-and-down route to global fame would ensure he never, ever had to come back.
When Beckham ruptured his Achilles tendon while playing for AC Milan this week, effectively ending his chance to play in the World Cup in June, there was a chorus of sobs throughout England - not because he's crucial to the team's success, but because he's become a talisman. Even the team coach, flinty-eyed Fabio Capello, who is not exactly Signore Softheart, indicated that Beckham could accompany the team to South Africa in some kind of inspirational or mentor role.
What an amazing transformation he and the missus have made. It's easy to forget how vilified Beckham was, early on, for being a hothead, a show pony, a possible adulterer, a wearer of man skirts with a Betty Boop voice. Now the Beckhams are golden. How have they done it? Oddly enough, by scraping off most of the gilt. There are lessons here for anyone looking to rehabilitate a battered image.Adapt to changing times
In 1999, the Beckhams were married in a ceremony that seemed conjured from Liberace's fever dream, sitting on thrones in a borrowed Irish castle, and cutting the cake in matching magenta outfits. They swanned about in designer gear and lived in a footballers' enclave in a mansion dubbed Beckingham Palace. The extravagance was suited to more frivolous times; the public tut-tutted but bought every issue of Hello! magazine with the couple in it.
Recently, a new seriousness has prevailed, and they became serious with it. Now, as everyone counts their pennies and their blessings, the couple spend all their time diligently at work or with their three sons. Beckham was a trouper for LA Galaxy and AC Milan; Victoria became a successful clothing designer. She still looks like an angry bug, but at least now she's an angry bug with a job.
Redeem yourself
After being sent off for kicking an Argentine player in the 1998 World Cup, Beckham was the most loathed man in England, blamed for the team's loss, his picture pinned to dartboards. The game was "the worst night of my life," Beckham wrote in his memoir, My Side. He needed police protection when he returned to England.
But people slowly forgave him as he played well for Manchester United, scored the opening goal for England against Argentina in the 2002 World Cup, and lent his name to a movie starring a near-naked Keira Knightley. When he lost the England captaincy, he didn't pout like a diva but behaved like a good soldier, even while warming the bench. He was forgiven for wearing that sarong. For her part, Victoria seemed slightly ashamed at being the ringmaster in the WAG - that's wives and girlfriends - circus, ripping out her hair extensions and moving to a subtler shade of fake tan (from "ancient mahogany," I believe, to "bleached pine.")
Admit your frailties
Beckham reportedly suffers from some kind of obsessive-compulsive condition, telling a TV reporter that he lines up all the cans in his fridge, colour co-ordinates his underwear, and vacuums in precisely straight lines. Victoria called him "weirdo," immediately endearing her to exasperated wives all over the world.
Be the first to laugh at yourself, thus robbing anyone else of the pleasure
The football player appeared in a charity program on British TV last night, gleefully sending up his own pampered image. He lounged in a candlelit bubble bath with a fat, mouthy comedian called James Corden, which only a man very secure in his masculinity is going to do, especially if he's already burdened with a squeaky voice.
If you're going to flaunt it, make sure you got it
A 12-metre-high poster of Beckham, oiled and naked but for a pair of briefs that wouldn't have protected a gnat's dignity, was draped over Oxford Street for weeks last year. When it was hung - and really, that is the operative word - thousands of people gathered, sighing, in the street below.
Make lots of money
The Beckhams are number five on Forbes magazine's list of top-grossing celebrity couples, earning an estimated $53-million (U.S.) last year. As Elizabeth Taylor so memorably said, "Success is the best deodorant." And that's a woman who knows a little something about reinvention.