Claudia DeyPeter Power/The Globe and Mail
If only because I'm on cold medication and it seemed funny at the time, I asked Claudia Dey, author of the just-published How to Be a Bush Pilot: A Field Guide to Getting Luckier, to tour us through last night's Writers' Trust shortlist reading and HarperCollins after party, blindly guided by yours truly channeling a bed-ridden (yet equally feisty) Old Spice Guy.
Look away. Now back at me.
Yeah, we're still going through with it. And you're our lucky passengers! Here's to hoping we all land safely.
Trays and seats in the upright position.
Julie Wilson: Claudia Dey, look in the mirror. Now look back at me. What are you wearing? I'm watching Being Erica.
Claudia Dey: I am wearing Michael Winter's reading outfit, which consists of a Captain's jacket with gold buttons and a pair of pink ladies' trousers. Michael is wearing the cheetah-print bathing suit of his youth so fondly remembered this evening by his sister, Kathleen. He, it would seem, had a contingency plan for the wind-pocalypse that hit just as we were entering Harbourfront Centre.
JW: You walk into the Writers' Trust readings. Look around. Now back at me. Is anyone in a towel? I'm tapping trees for syrup.
CD: When the IFOA volunteers saw the cheetah-print bathing suit of Michael's youth on Michael, they immediately procured a towel. With a knowing wink to the volunteers, Michael threw it around his shoulders like a strongman would a snake and took the stage. Michael Helm promptly fainted, only to be quickly revived by the always resourceful Emma Donoghue.
JW: Ian Rankin, the disembodied Voice of this year's IFOA, comes over the speakers. He sounds like Sean Connery. Look at the floor (because Ian Rankin's not there). Now back at me. In your estimation, is James Bond a good lover? I'm chopping wood.
CD: I will have to leave that to the enigmatically named Honey Ryder and Pussy Galore to say for certain, but Bond does do his own stunts, which bodes well.
JW: The writers read. Look at the writers. Now back at me. Which one would look best in an ascot? I'm in Pamplona, running with the bulls in Michael Winter's sneakers.
CD: Trevor Cole.
JW: You walk into the HarperCollins after party. Look to the left. Who is the first author you see? Now look to the right. Who's the first author you see? Now back at me. I'm reading Annabel.
CD: In both directions, I see Ken Finkleman. He is alone, nervous and possibly armed, and now trailing a man who looks a lot like Jonathan Franzen.
JW: The evening's ended. Look at the moon. Now back at me. I'm not there, but I have a question about page 145 in your book. Should I go light on dinner before attempting that manoeuvre? I'm spell-checking "manoeuvre."
CD: Affirmative.