1. When Cows Become Pinatas, or Come Again?
This weekend, Sapphire gave a very well-attended talk at the Genesis Convention Center in Gary, Ind.
She is, of course, the author of the bleak, gnomic novel Push, which became the acclaimed hit movie, Precious, nominated this month for six Academy Awards. I say of course because one is not able to see the title Precious without its now maddening series of trailing boxcars, Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire: I have to restrain myself, most days, not to say "What a precious baby based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire."
"I wanted to break open the sacred cows of the black community," Sapphire told the crowd, and no one said, perhaps belligerently, "How do you break open a cow?" Or, "What is the black community? Is there only one?" Or, "Didn't Alice Walker do some virtually identical, top-notch cow-cracking in 1982?" Walker's The Color Purple was then radical for refusing to stay with the program, and exposing violence within black communities. Its message - female autonomy and liberation - is the same as Sapphire's, to say nothing of the virtual cloning of Walker's wretched Celie, as Sapphire's punching bag, Claireece (Precious) Jones.
One gesture is made in the film to the obvious source text: Precious's teacher Ms. Blu Rain's favourite colour is purple. I am certain that there is still an unfortunate need for this kind of edification among abused and voiceless girls (and not limited to poor black girls.) But why is the film (which was true of The Color Purple too) so wrong-minded?
Precious, a math prodigy, does not dream of the orderly realm of mathematics, but instead her dreams are located in the tawdry world of MTV videos. The violence in the film, additionally, however realistic it may be, is all the more disquieting for the way in which it speaks to certain viewers' prurience and horrific view of black women and men. Yes, there are black reprobates in the world! On a recent episode of Everybody Hates Chris, The Color Purple's "Mister" was referred to as "the second-greatest black villain after Darth Vader." But Precious, as an appalled Courtland Milloy, a Washington Post columnist on African-American issues, observed, has all the "redeeming social value of a porn flick." Milloy is way over the top in this remark, but as I had déjà vu all over again, to quote Yogi Berra, watching this film, I remembered too that graphic rape and violence in film, unless deployed by a meticulous genius (Stanley Kubrick comes to mind,) often tell us less about the cinematic victim than the audience's often disquieting tastes, either for bathos, or the excitement of their senses, their secret, vulgar convictions about gender and race.
2. He's a disgusting pig, and his wife is just as bad; she has no self-respect.
This is just one (common) reaction from fans to Tiger Woods's apology Friday, recorded in Florida and extended to everyone - his family, friends, fans, the PGA, its commissioner, and so on. It is a long and thoughtful apology asking that we give him a chance, find a place in our "hearts" to "believe" in him again. I'm sorry, but isn't Tiger Woods a pro golfer? How has he let us down (his words)? What kind of actual "pain" has he caused to anyone but his family? In the movie Tiger Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire, I want to see a still more graphic look at how a black man changed the most elitist sport around, through his genius and will, and was then dragged down by a media, and wasps' nest of bigots intent on portraying him as some kind of filthy pimp. Stop apologizing, Tiger Woods! Slip into your tacky clothes, get out on the green and make everyone remember what you're famous for. And if your fans still feel "pain," let them take it out on their own cheating husbands and wives.
3. I Wish to Thank My 401K Guy
Vexed Academy Awards producers have announced that acceptance speeches this year will be 45 seconds long, and that's final. The orchestra will actually drown out longer thank yous, as watchers complain most commonly about this aspect of the show and, astonishingly, not, say, about the entire fatuous show itself. But they are making a mistake: They simply should have told winners that they cannot thank anyone in their professional life. That way, no one's important toes are stepped on, and I don't have to have 200 anxiety attacks worrying that, among others, the ancient, mumbling Swede is going to get the hook as he tries to pronounce "Thank you."
4. Sexual Napalm? That Really Hurts!
This week in the tabloids, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston are reported as being furious over a rambling, racist and confusing interview in Playboy in which John Mayer raves, excessively, about both women. Shouldn't they be disquieted instead about Mayer's bizarre comments such as, on the theme of changing celebrity culture, "Tom Cruise put on a fat suit." Or, "Black people love me." Not after the N-bomb you drop in the same interview, pretty boy: You mention crack also, and John Mayer, I have to know: Did you sample some that day?
5. The Tragic Superstar Also Borrowed My Lawn Mower and Good Flatware.
Posthumous back-stabber Arnold Klein, allegedly Michael Jackson's best friend, is, litigiously, demanding his hideous green Gianfranco Ferre jacket, because Michael borrowed it and didn't give it back! This is Klein's second run at the estate. Next up: a "handshake deal" over a Lakers game and two purloined "surgical gloves of great personal value."