The other day, while trawling online for vital information about the TV racket (Larry King is alleged to have a thing with the lookalike sister of his missus and Shannen Doherty is "writing" a book called Badass), I came upon a most intriguing headline. It said, "NBC Renews More Crap."
Now that's what I call pith. And it appeared on a respectable TV-racket news site, too. Patrolling the mean streets of the TV racket requires a lot of pith and vinegar. But this column would not waltz around making declarations such as, "CBC Renews More Crap." It would be un-Canadian. Impolite. Canadians only say things like that when they are guaranteed anonymity.
However, plain speaking is required at occasional intervals. Thus it is time once again to point out a number of things that just ain't working. Here's a list.
The National. CBC's big ol' flagship newscast has not been the object of much attention in this space for months. Leave it alone, was the attitude. Let's see what happens. Well, it's still an absurd, awkwardly choreographed stand-up shindig that is often cringe-inducing to watch. One recent Sunday, I watched when Carole McNeil was playing Pastor Mansbridge. Ms McNeil stood there in a nice skirt and top, with nice heels, and leaned forward from the waist. Something shocking was going on in the world. Possibly it was Tiger Woods playing golf again. Anyway, I felt very sorry for the woman, having to be all actorly and make it seem like the story was worthwhile, all a lot of physically awkward effort to convey. And when Pastor Mansbridge is playing himself on weeknights, you can practically see him counting the steps he has to take to get from the stage part of the set to the to the lounge-bar part and then, the poor man, he has do his "What's up with that?" routine to reporters who now walk around robotically. Hello, CBC! It still ain't working.
The Genies and Gemini Awards. Like me, perhaps you've noticed the fun and frolics involved in the Juno Awards these days. You have to wonder why the awards shows for our TV and film industries cannot be as much fun and get as much attention. For a start, the Genies have been reduced to utter irrelevance. You could count on one hand the number of people who care. The Geminis are little better, having descended from a one-time high of a Sunday night two-hour special on CBC to a graceless little show on Global on a Saturday evening. Why, oh why, can't we just have a combined Canadian Film and TV awards show? Like they have in Britain with the BAFTA awards for film and television? Why the Academy of Canadian Cinema and Television insists on not one, but two demonstrably failing awards shows is a mystery. And Academy members - most of the TV racket - know this, but turn into fawning lickspittles any time the Geminis are criticized. Take a look at the Junos and learn.
Cougar Town. Never liked it. Courteney Cox gives me the creeps. But can one really despise a show that is alleged to "empower" fortysomething women? Yes. In the Irish Times last week I read this summary by a fortysomething female critic: "Courteney Cox in Cougar Town is the female version of the pervert in a dirty raincoat, and yet in some sort of twisted L.A. logic she's meant to be empowering women." Yes. It continues, "My teenage kids have banned me from watching it. They think Cougar Town is gross, and so do I. Courteney Cox is both a symbol and a red-light warning for everything that is wrong with the Hollywood portrayal of middle-aged women, who are rarely wise or strong or naturally aged. They're either sex goddesses or merely desperate, as in housewives, and sometimes both." Well said.
Charlie Sheen. Well that Two and a Half Men (tonight, CBS, CTV 9 p.m.) show hasn't been working for years. Recently, however, reports suggest Sheen is onto a new thing. One report says he's shaved his head while in rehab. Anther says he wore a fake Groucho Marx-style mustache to visit a woman described as both "a lingerie model" and "a $3,000 per hour escort." Meanwhile, Sheen's unnamed "representative" says that the actor was "merely counselling her." My God, that's funny. The bald head, the mustache, the "counselling." That's Marx Brothers material.
Sarah Palin's Alaska reality show. Problems before it is even produced, it seems. According to The Huffington Post, "A Discovery insider says of the recent upfront presentation: 'When the promo was over, people (employees and buyers) were rolling their eyes, snickering, and even laughing. People were laughing, and it's not even a comedy. No one took it seriously.'" Regrettably, this could not be verified.
By the way, it's true: "NBC Renews More Crap."
Check local listings.