When discussing caregiving challenges with your manager, come with solutions, not just problems to be solved.GETTY IMAGES
Ask Women and Work
Question: I have two young children and I’m having difficulty balancing work and family. My partner and I both work in demanding jobs, and between scrambling to pick them up from daycare and their frequent illnesses, we are both running ragged. I am ambitious and I want to advance – how can I progress in my career at this time in my life?
We asked Marlene Lenarduzzi, chief risk officer at EQ Bank, to tackle this one:
I know the feeling. I have three adult children, and my husband and I both had demanding careers early on. When my kids were little, I remember older women saying to me, ‘Enjoy it. It goes by so fast.’ But when you’re in the middle of it, it can’t go by fast enough, because it really is hard. So, first off, be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that yes, this is hard, and this too shall pass.
Next, ask for help. Use your network, your family, your friends. And don’t be afraid to ask your kids to lend a hand with chores. You’ll be surprised at how much they can do. Mornings are busy; everyone’s trying to get up, get fed, get dressed, get out the door on time. I kept the cereal bowls, the milk and the cereal at a low level, so the kids could make their own breakfast from when they were four or five years old. It teaches them good life skills and builds their character.
When it comes to discussing challenges with your manager, you want to be known as someone who can deliver results and come up with solutions. If you’re coming to them saying, ‘I have this problem, what are you going to do about it?’ That doesn’t work well. But if you are coming to them saying, ‘This is how I’m going manage this time in my life,’ that will go a lot further.
So, if you need to drop your children at daycare in the morning and it’s hard to get in to work before 9:00 a.m., come up with a solution that says: I will start work at nine. I will leave at 4:00 p.m. because I want to pick my children up from their after-school program. But I will log in at 9:00 p.m. once they’re in bed to catch up on what I missed. If you have a reputation for coming to work with great attitude and delivering results, your manager isn’t going to care that you aren’t available for 8:00 a.m. meetings. I also felt that once I had children, I became hyper-efficient when I was at work. I didn’t waste a lot of time.
But I do want to say that it’s also important to cut ourselves some slack and recognize that we are human. You shouldn’t feel guilty about the time that you need to be with your kids, either because they’re sick or you want to attend a school assembly. That’s so important too.
If you want to get ahead, don’t forget your network. Make time for those connections. I know it can be challenging to have a drink with colleagues after work if you need to get your kids from daycare, but maybe you can find a lunch or a coffee in the morning to meet with people in your network. You’ll find that a lot of people are in the same boat. I’m hearing just as many men saying, ‘I have to leave early today because I’m taking my son or daughter to hockey practice,’ or something like that. I think there’s much more flexibility and understanding for different ways of connecting.
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“Be explicit about what your goals and aspirations are. Don’t assume that your manager or your organization knows what you want,” says Liz Samson, head of industry relations and operations at Square Canada.
“Come to that conversation prepared with a list of accomplishments and their impact. It shows that you’re being proactive and makes your manager’s job easier. Share that list in advance to give your manager time to reflect on it. Being proactive and humble and actively asking for feedback really demonstrates a growth mindset.”