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When Peter Murphy Lewis first picked up The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he wasn’t trying to become a better boss. He was trying not to lose his marriage.
In the book, Mr. Chapman explains that people give and receive love in five distinct ways – words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch – and understanding your partner’s primary love language can strengthen your relationship.
The book indeed gave Mr. Murphy Lewis a framework for better connection, but soon, he began wondering what appreciation looks like in a professional setting too.
“If appreciation is what fuels us in our closest relationships, what does that look like at work? More importantly, what does it look like not to feel appreciated?” he asks.
As a fractional chief marketing officer and founder of the marketing consultancy, Strategic Pete, Mr. Murphy Lewis, who is based in Kansas City, Miss., began adapting Mr. Chapman’s model for the workplace. Especially while leading remote teams he noticed that burnout often wasn’t about workload. It was about feeling invisible.
“You’d have these smart, capable people – hungry to do good work – but then silence. Burnout. Not because they didn’t have the skills, but because they didn’t feel seen,” he says.
So, he began translating the love languages into team-building tools:
- Words of affirmation became specific, public praise such as, “You crushed the brief and saved the timeline,” he says.
- Acts of service turned into stepping in when a teammate was overwhelmed.
- Gifts showed up as small, personal gestures such as a handwritten note or voice message.
- Quality time meant meaningful one-on-ones, not just performance reviews.
- Physical touch, tricky in remote work, evolved into what he calls “connection points” such as inside jokes, rituals and monthly Slack check-ins to build camaraderie.
Mr. Murphy Lewis formalized the approach with a 30-day onboarding survey for new hires. Each day, team members reflect on what energized or drained them and what they’re proud of.
One key question included is: If you had to compliment yourself on one thing today, what would it be?
“When people describe what they’re proud of, they’re also telling you what kind of recognition matters to them without realizing it,” Mr. Murphy Lewis says.
“If someone says, ‘I nailed the team presentation,’ they probably value words of affirmation. If they say, ‘I helped a colleague organize the project files,’ that’s likely acts of service,” he says.
This approach creates real results. In his agency, more than 80 per cent of interns who complete the program stay on or refer others. Additionally, he has seen internal communication improve, feedback loops become more open and teammates often contribute beyond their job descriptions.
But for Mr. Murphy Lewis, this isn’t just a management tactic, it’s leadership culture.
“If you’re going to use the 5 Love Languages at work, you have to stop thinking of them as perks and start thinking of them as infrastructure,” he says.
At Strategic Pete, he says team rituals are baked into the operations. Tuesday meetings to celebrate personal branding wins, Slack threads dedicated to gratitude and memes and structured monthly check-ins focused on growth, not just status updates.
The key to making it stick? Leaders have to go first.
“I ask for feedback in public. I call out my own blind spots. If you’re not willing to show vulnerability, your team’s not going to trust your recognition either,” Mr. Murphy Lewis says.
Fast fact
Neutral norms
71 and 59 per cent
According to a recent Edubirdie study, 71 per cent of Gen Z women either use or try to use gender-neutral language at work compared to 59 per cent of Gen Z men.
Career guidance
Career compass
Should values, passion or purpose guide your career?
Experts say values, passion and purpose are deeply interconnected and aligning them can lead to a fulfilling career and life. However, achieving perfect alignment is rarely easy; these elements can conflict with each other, your skills or the job market. Even so, taking small, intentional steps can bring you closer to that alignment over time.
Quoted
New networking
“With so much of the job market and career growth hinging on relationships, professionals who take networking seriously, both externally and internally, set themselves up for long-term success. The key is not just to network, but to network with intention,” writes career coach Kadine Cooper.
Ms. Cooper explains how our networking tactics must evolve over time as our careers progress, and offers up five tips for networking with intention including truly nurturing the relationships you want to build.
On our radar
Pipeline polls
A new Nanos Research poll shows nearly three-quarters of Canadians support building an East-West oil and gas pipeline. Additionally, nearly half of respondents oppose eliminating the carbon price on large industrial emitters.