Interested in more careers-related content? Check out our new weekly Work Life newsletter. Sent every Monday afternoon.
THE QUESTION
I am queer but not open in my workplace. My employer has asked me to travel to a country that is not LGBTQ-friendly for a two-week work project. The project is a great work opportunity that would put me on track for a promotion. But I’m ethically opposed to visiting this country. I need to turn down the trip, but how can I explain my justification without outing myself and harming my career trajectory?
THE FIRST ANSWER
Tara Ataya, chief people and diversity officer, Hootsuite, Vancouver
This is a profoundly personal and challenging situation, and I want to start by acknowledging the weight of it. No one should have to choose between professional growth and personal safety or feel pressured to compromise their identity to succeed at work.
If you’re not in a place where you feel safe being open, that is completely valid. You don’t owe anyone an explanation that puts your well-being at risk. What you can do is respond with professionalism while still protecting your privacy. For example:
“Thank you for the opportunity. I’m deeply invested in the success of this project, but because of personal circumstances, I won’t be able to travel to this location. However, I remain fully committed to contributing remotely and supporting the team in every way I can.”
This isn’t about saying no to the opportunity. It’s about proposing a way to participate that aligns with your values and boundaries.
Afterward, consider following up with your manager to reaffirm your commitment to growth. You could say: “I’m really energized by the team’s direction and would love to explore other ways I can continue growing and contributing.” Framing it around your enthusiasm and readiness for more responsibility reinforces that you’re committed, even if this particular opportunity wasn’t a fit.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Jenny Chen, Chief executive officer and founder, Catalais Consulting Ltd., Ottawa
This is one of the hardest realities for LGBTQ+ professionals – we’re still expected to hide who we are to access opportunities. And when inclusion isn’t embedded in workplace systems, we’re forced to make impossible choices between safety and success.
Personally, I wouldn’t feel bad about saying no. I know many professionals, including myself, who won’t enter regions or countries where laws don’t align with their values. That’s okay. It’s part of a mindset shift: coming from a place of abundance. Turning down one opportunity doesn’t mean you’ve closed the door on success – it means you’re making room for one that aligns with who you are and what you stand for.
You don’t need to out yourself to decline respectfully. You could say:
“Thank you for the opportunity. After thoughtful consideration, I’m not able to accept this travel assignment because of personal and ethical considerations, but I remain committed to contributing in other ways.”
Keep the focus on your integrity, not your identity.
And to employers: if your team can’t say no to an unsafe assignment without career consequences, your inclusion efforts are incomplete. I learned that firsthand as a DEI leader in a global organization. True equity means people shouldn’t have to trade authenticity for advancement, or safety for success.
Have a question for our experts? Send an email to NineToFive@globeandmail.com with ‘Nine to Five’ in the subject line. Emails without the correct subject line may not be answered.