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THE QUESTION
I’ve always been a shy, quiet person and I feel like it’s holding me back in my career. I rarely speak up at group meetings and as a result, I’m being assigned to less high-profile projects. I avoid conflict and I don’t stand up for myself, like when some of my more outgoing colleagues take credit for work we did together and ideas I came up with (this has happened on multiple occasions).
I want to become more assertive and confident at work. What are some ways that I can practise doing this in a respectful way?
THE FIRST ANSWER
Luki Danukarjanto, career coach, Focus Inspired, Toronto
First, well done on the self-awareness and interest in growing. That’s already the first step.
I would unpack this into three areas: visibility, credit-taking and conflict.
For visibility, separate being quiet from being ineffective. Quiet professionals can be incredibly influential when their work and ideas are visible enough to be trusted. Shyness is an area where we want to improve, as it can make visibility harder, so practise in smaller ways first. A few suggestions on visibility practices:
- Before a meeting, plan one contribution. It could be a question, clarification, confirmation or simple addition: “One thing I’d add is …” or “I like what you said about that. I had a similar experience when …”
- Connect with the meeting organizer before or after the meeting to share your ideas, especially if large groups feel difficult.
- Ask for a structured role, such as recapping the discussion, introducing an agenda item or summarizing next steps.
For colleagues taking credit, use “respectful assertiveness”. Try: “I’m glad this idea is moving forward. I want to add that the original analysis came from the model I built last week and I’d be happy to walk the team through it.” That way, you are not attacking anyone – you’re calmly attaching your name to your contribution.
For conflict, use the ‘Observation, Impact, Request’ method: “When my part of the work isn’t mentioned, I worry the contribution isn’t clear. Going forward, can we present this as a shared effort?”. Also, be sure to send short recap emails after key meetings so contributions and next steps are visible to mitigate credit-taking or conflict from occurring.
Finally, practise outside high-stakes moments. Assertiveness is a skill, not a fixed personality trait. You don’t need to become louder. You need to practise becoming clearer, more consistent and harder to overlook.
Best of luck on the journey.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Jivi Saran, CEO and founder, Quantum Business Growth, Vancouver
I really relate to this and I think the first thing worth saying is that being quiet isn’t a flaw you need to fix – it’s how you’re wired. Quiet people often bring depth and thoughtfulness that loud rooms desperately need. The goal isn’t to become someone else; it’s to make sure your contributions actually land.
Here are a few things that have helped me think about this:
Before meetings, I try to prepare one or two specific points I want to make and write them down. Speaking up gets easier when you’re not improvising. Aim to contribute in the first 10 minutes – the longer you wait, the harder it gets and people unconsciously perceive early speakers as more engaged.
For the credit-stealing issue, get ahead of it. Send a quick recap email after collaborative meetings: “Just to summarize what we landed on – my idea about X, and Sam’s suggestion about Y.” It’s not aggressive, it’s just documentation. You can also use phrases such as “building on the idea I raised earlier” in real time. It feels awkward the first few times, then it doesn’t.
When someone does take credit in the moment, a calm, “Yeah, that was what I proposed on Tuesday – glad it resonated” works without escalating.
Finally, talk to your manager directly about wanting higher-profile work. Don’t wait to be noticed. Assertiveness isn’t about volume; it’s about being clear about what you want and what you’ve contributed. You can do that quietly.
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