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THE QUESTION
I recently started working at a new company and there’s definitely some tension between my manager and the company owner. My manager clearly doesn’t like her and makes fun of her behind her back. He’ll invite our team out to lunch but spend the entire time ridiculing her. There’s a weird dynamic on our team where my colleagues seem to be joining in just to appease my manager, but I can tell that they feel uncomfortable with it. Now my manager is getting more brazen with his comments, forwarding us emails from our owner with laughing emojis. What should I do? Joining in feels wrong but so does going behind my manager’s back to tattle on him to the company owner, who I don’t really have any sort of relationship with.
THE FIRST ANSWER
Layan Jasser, project coordinator, PowerUp Leadership, Halifax
Starting a new job is hard enough without being pulled into a situation like this. It makes sense that you feel uncomfortable. You’re being asked, indirectly, to go along with behaviour that doesn’t sit right with you, and that can be really isolating when everyone else seems to be playing along.
The first thing to remind yourself is that you do not have to participate. You can stay professional without confronting your manager head-on or “tattling” right away. Keeping your responses neutral and stepping back from those conversations when you can are all reasonable ways to protect your own integrity. Sometimes even a quiet non-response says a lot.
At the same time, your instincts are picking up on something real: this is not healthy team behaviour. When a manager mocks the company owner in front of staff, especially in a way that pressures others to laugh along, it creates tension and forces employees to choose sides to fit in, which isn’t fair to you or your coworkers.
If it keeps happening, start keeping notes for yourself about what was said or shared, when it happened and who was there. That way, if you decide you need to raise it, you can do so calmly and factually. If there’s an HR contact, that would usually be the best place to start. And if there isn’t, this can still be framed not as getting someone in trouble, but as a concern about a workplace dynamic that feels unprofessional and uncomfortable.
Another thing to note is that you’re not overreacting. Wanting to work in an environment where people treat each other with respect is a reasonable expectation.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Neha Khurram, Talent Consultant, Coach Neha & Co., Toronto
Being new to a company while navigating political tension between your manager and the owner is genuinely uncomfortable, and the fact that you’re questioning it shows you value ethics. Tension arises when a value is compromised, and it’s important to set a boundary to prevent undue stress.
Setting a boundary isn’t always about speaking up. Sometimes a silent commitment to yourself accomplishes the same goal. You don’t have to choose between joining in or reporting his behaviour. There’s a quieter, more powerful option to simply not participate. Stay neutral. At group lunches, change the subject or go quiet when the mocking starts. Over time, people stop expecting a reaction from someone who never gives one. Don’t feed into it.
When it comes to forwarded emails, written commentary creates a paper trail, so be careful not to agree. Don’t respond, or say “I try to stay out of that stuff” to signal your position diplomatically.
As for going to the owner, I’d hold off. Without an established relationship or a direct incident affecting you, it’s likely to backfire. Instead, focus on building your own reputation. Be professional with everyone, do great work and let people draw their own conclusions. Protect your own integrity by broadly sharing how you value positive relationships and respect in the workplace instead of singling out your manager’s behaviour.
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