Israa Nasir, MHC is an award-winning keynote speaker, trained therapist and founder of @well.guide, where she helps a global community of more than 350,000 people navigate emotional wellbeing, purpose and a more intentional way of living a good life.
Your calendar is full of back-to-back meetings and your phone is buzzing with “Can you hop on a quick call?” messages and family chats about travel plans and gifts.
At the same time, you are drowning under the pressure to “wrap everything up” at work before the end of quarter or year. If that sounds like your December, you are not alone.
For many, a final push to finish tasks before the end of the year and before going on vacation collides with work and family holiday parties, a frantic search for gifts and making sure everything is ready for that family trip. In short, the most wonderful time of year quickly turns into the most stressful time of year.
Holiday stress hides behind the extra half hour you work every night, the messages you respond to from bed and the constant mental tabs open for your family and friends. The stress you feel to ‘do it all’ is not imaginary. Canadian data suggests roughly one in three working age Canadians is experiencing burnout, a state of mental and emotional exhaustion that comes from prolonged stress, throughout the year.
For many people, ‘finishing the year strong’ turns into ‘ignore your limits and prove yourself one more time before the year ends’. This is known as toxic productivity - where doing more feels like proof you’re good enough; so you say yes when you are already full, instead of assessing whether you have the energy or capacity for it.
I write about this in my book Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Energy in a World That Always Demands More, which looks at how chronic overworking, overcommitting, shame and people pleasing show up as socially celebrated burnout rather than actual success.
And, this time of year brings on comparisons to other people’s highlight reels and Christmas cards, fuelling a shame and guilt laden last-minute push - one more project, event or commitment you do not actually have capacity for. In fact, even time off becomes performance based, with the pressure to have the perfect holiday, the perfect trip, the perfect family gathering. Rest becomes another thing to optimize instead of something that restores you.
Toxic productivity thoughts sound like:
- “I have to over deliver before I go on break”
- “I cannot say no in December, it looks bad”
- “I can push for a few more weeks, I will rest in January”
- “If I slow down now, everything I did this year will not count”
When you are overwhelmed, it can feel as if there are only two options, say yes to everything or disappear. Saying yes to everything makes you resentful and tired; avoidance shows up as last-minute cancellations, ghosting or being there in body but emotionally shut-down.
Healthy boundaries offer a third path. Boundaries are not an excuse to care less, they are how you keep caring in a way that does not burn you out. They are about being honest about your capacity while staying in a relationship with your work and your people. A boundary sounds like, “I can do this part, not that part” or “I can say yes, but not on that timeline” or “I love you and I am coming to dinner, but I will need to leave by 9 p.m.” You are present and connected without sacrificing yourself.
When you feel yourself tipping into overwhelm, try the “1-1-1 Boundary Reboot.” Take three slow breaths and name one sensation in your body, one emotion and one thought. Then ask, “On a scale of one to 10, what is my capacity right now?” If it is less than five, you do not automatically say yes. Instead, choose one small boundary that fits your capacity in that moment. This can look like: asking for more time, offering a smaller version of the commitment, sharing or delegating the responsibility with someone else or declining with kindness.
You can also give yourself a simple December finish line plan. Take 10 minutes and make three short lists: your non negotiables (the few things that really matter before the year ends), your soft goals (the nice-to-have items that can roll into January) and your release list (the expectations and traditions you are consciously choosing not to take on before the end of the year). Writing these out helps you stay accountable. Then, make an intentional plan on committing to one item from each list. You can do this with your partner, friends and even your children as a year-end tradition.
Remember, December is not a final exam on your worthiness. The year can end a little unfinished, a little imperfect and still be meaningful. If you can trade one reflexive yes for one honest no, you are already finishing strong in a healthier way.
This column is part of Globe Careers’ Leadership Lab series, where executives and experts share their views and advice about the world of work. Find all Leadership Lab stories at tgam.ca/leadershiplab and guidelines for how to contribute to the column here.