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Expressing gratitude and appreciation is appreciated.
Joel Zuckerman knows. The veteran sports journalist has written several hundred letters of gratitude over the years to friends, families and colleagues. Some were short, others of modest length. Only a third of the recipients acknowledged the letters but he knew they had to be appreciated. Besides, as he followed this habit, an unexpected lesson arose.
“There is a compelling reason why I’ve written nearly 300 Letters of Gratitude, and it’s not because I’m some sort of altruist or Mother Teresa–wannabe. First and foremost, these letters are created because they make me feel good,” he writes in his book, Gratitude Tiger.
He started in 2013, after picking up a book on his wife’s nightstand, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, which had a chapter recommending people write a heartfelt letter. He took on the challenge, purely out of curiosity, thanking a mentor. But the intellectual exercise – he never assumed there would be a second such letter – became a matter of the heart.
“It was surprising, this depth of feeling that ensued by sharing positive thoughts and deep gratitude to someone important. So, a week later, another letter went into the mailbox. Then another and another,” he recalls.
But, of course, there are recipients. Every human being, he notes, is battling through life. And one day amid the bills and circulars in their mail is this unusual and delightful letter singing their praises.
Note the implicit lesson in that last sentence: This is not something for email (or, worse, a text). And here’s another lesson: The well doesn’t necessarily run dry, with nobody else you can possibly write after the first five or 10 people. “It’s become such an essential part of me and, as people continue to inspire, befriend, positively influence or provide a kindness, they’ll hear about it in this uniquely endearing manner,” he says.
His letters are typed, full-page, freewheeling streams of consciousness. He’s a writer, after all, and it pours forth. But he stresses that the letters can be seven or eight sentences – or seven or eight words. Here’s an example of the approach, in seven sentences:
“Dear Eliza, I just wanted to take a moment and ‘officially’ thank you for my recent promotion! I’ve admired your work ethic and acumen since I came on board three years ago. Part of the success that’s come my way is because I’ve modeled myself after your example. The fact that you chose me over the other qualified candidates to lead the new division is a tremendous confidence boost. I will do my very best to reward your faith in my abilities. There will be a learning curve as I dive in, so please don’t be surprised when I need to ask questions or bounce ideas off you. But I want to express my sincere gratitude and will approach these expanded duties with energy and enthusiasm.”
He also encourages smaller notes of appreciation. Examples:
- They broke the mould with you. Thanks!
- My dear friend, you are absolute aces!
- What a fantastic job you are doing!
- Keep up the great work; it’s inspiring.
- I’m so grateful we recruited you last year!
- I can’t remember hearing a better presentation.
- This company is lucky to have you.
In a world of social media “likes,” it could be disappointing if the note or letter is never acknowledged. But he says over time he learned to enjoy the process more than the result. The actual writing of the letters and sharing of the gratitude are the driving force; what happens after delivery and receipt are beyond his control.
But he shares the story of writing his wife’s best friend since grade school, as she was going through the pain of a divorce. He expressed admiration for how she was avoiding animosity in the situation, telling her it was a privilege to know her. She never mentioned the missive afterward to him but told his wife: “Joel’s letter took my knees out from under me.” So even if not acknowledged later, your letter of gratitude can have a profound impact.
Quick hits
- Korn Ferry chief executive officer Gary Burnison says the people who influence our lives might be a teacher who took special interest in helping you, the friend who has always been there for you or someone who truly inspired you to be better: “Now, tell me the last time you reached out to them to celebrate their success and tell them about the impact they had on your life.”
- In her research on time logs individuals keep, writer Laura Vanderkam notes it’s clear that even people with intense jobs spend a reasonable time with their kids but it often doesn’t feel that way because we tend to believe family time only counts if it’s in the evening. Look for ways to enhance the time in the morning when the family is together and value that quality time.
- Praise others; it will bring them peace of mind, observes author James Clear. But do not expect others to praise you. That will bring you peace of mind.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.