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There’s a gap between what we are doing and what we can do.
Executive coach Margie Warrell calls it the courage gap.
In some ways, our lives oscillate between moments of quiet courage that move us ahead and others where the gap closes us off to important possibilities. Leaving home as a teenager, asking someone for a date, applying for jobs and bidding for promotions all involve some – or substantial – courage that we have often managed to find. But there are also times when, as she puts it, we stand at the edge of the courage gap and balk.
“What most limits our lives and future is not external dangers or circumstances, but we ourselves: It is our unchecked fear and undeveloped courage to transcend it,” she writes in The Courage Gap.
Too often we know what we should do, but fail to act. Or if we act, it’s not soon enough. She says that’s because we arrive in the world programmed more for self-preservation than self-actualization – more for fitting in than breaking out or for seeking certainty than braving the far limb. “In our efforts to shield ourselves from risks, we’ve become more vulnerable to greater perils,” she warns.
Instead, we need to close the courage gap. That comes, she argues, not from de-risking your life or sheltering from problems, but by bringing the bravest version of yourself to every situation. You need to actively take on tough problems, do what is unpopular, and face storms head on.
That involves two elements: Managing your fear and being willing to act in the presence of risks.
It begins by focusing on what you want, not what you fear.
What do you want in your career – and life? What values do you want to define you? “Until you make these decisions, every other decision and corresponding behaviour will be automatically directed by your fear of what you don’t want – leaving you permanently living under the effect of your circumstances rather than being the cause in improving them,” she writes.
Until you’re clear on what you want, fear of what you don’t want will pull its invisible strings. We tend to default to negatives – attracted to gloom and doom headlines, for example, and dwelling on what we can’t have or the obstacles confronting us. What we focus on tends to grow in magnitude. So focus on the positive – what you want.
She also urges you to rescript what’s kept you scared or too safe. We are immersed unknowingly in stories we have created about our lives – things we can do, things that are impossible. Often those stories are unconsciously crafted to shield us from uncomfortable truths.
She warns that if those stories don’t close the gap between the life you have and the life you want than you need to replace them with better stories. This can be difficult as those stories seem so real – so accurate. “Facing the truth without diluting it down is the admission price to genuine freedom,” she says.
Your fears are not just in your mind. They invade your body. Muscles get tense. The nervous system is on alert. So moving ahead also involves breathing courage in – taking deep breaths that rein in those fears of the future and pull you into the present. She notes that research shows even five mindful breaths can reset your nervous system and help you to respond to situations with greater calm, creativity and courage. An upright, confident posture also works to regulate fear and activate courage, she says.
With those improvements, you are better armed to step into discomfort. But she advises there will still be times when you fail to be as courageous as you would like. Your courage gap is never fully closed. You must be alert to its danger and continually focus on what you want and change the scripts that get in the way.
Quick hits
- When asked to do something in the future, productivity writer Laura Vanderkam recommends using The Tomorrow Test: Would you agree if the person was asking you to do it tomorrow, rather than three months from now? You probably won’t have more space in your calendar or be a different person three months from now, so if you wouldn’t do it tomorrow, say no.
- Journalist Jacob Clemente finds the most helpful use of artificial intelligence is to put his research notes into ChatGPT or Claude and while he is writing asking it for specific examples to illustrate his points. It helps him spend more time on what he is writing and less on searching through notes.
- Listen to people you don’t like, advises executive coach Dan Rockwell. Irritating people are different from you and learning comes from exploring difference. In the same vein, “go with” before “pushing against.” Seek to understand an idea before you challenge it.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.