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Work is filled with beginnings and endings. Beginnings are celebrated, at least by managers. Beginnings receive time, attention and care. Endings, for the most part, are ignored even if they are vital to our psychic and emotional health.
Executive coaches Lizzie Bentley Bowers and Alison Lucas believe we need to be aware of the endings that often accompany change, for which we may be the architect or navigator. It may be the impact of a merger; the loss of a colleague who has retired, gone to a new employer, been promoted, shifted to a new department or been fired; or the hot new transformation effort that is sweeping aside so much we prized.
“It is more often than not an uncomfortable place to be, as it may involve complex emotions and vulnerabilities. Most leaders are not taught how to sit with that discomfort. Nor are they taught how to navigate their own relationship with endings, for themselves, in order to then be able to confidently lead others,” they write in Good Bye: Leading change better by attending to endings.
They stress this is not always happily-ever-after territory. It involves grappling with, rather than steering around, messy stuff. You may not be able to resolve or fix the situation. But charging ahead and hoping time and faded memories might heal the situation is not smart. People can hold anger and resentment for a long time. Addressing the situation also places you in a better position to extract the learning from an ending and carry forward.
“We wholeheartedly believe that the organizational world would be a kinder, better, more productive place if 10 per cent of the energy and effort that is put into new beginnings was orientated to acknowledging the endings,” they say.
They recommend following a four-step process:
- Reality: You must name the ending that is occurring, including the tricky and messy stuff. Outline the details. Take responsibility for the situation as a leader. Fully acknowledge what will be different in future in both practical and emotional terms. “So, for example, when somebody is leaving, truly and fully acknowledge all the ways that it will be different both in practical and emotional terms,” they explain. “Or as a project closes, naming the time taken, the investment, the people that have worked on it, the results, the impact and more.”
- Emotions: This, they stress, is quite literally the heart of the work. You must address pain and loss, the reality that everything has a finite life. Of course, one of the reasons we are rushing to move on is to avoid the difficult and emotional conversations – the pain, conflict, anger, regret and sadness. But they say that just shields our emotional selves: “In closing down that emotional reality of loss we can miss the opportunity to look at the other side of the emotional coin where we find love, belonging, gratitude and joy. Paying more attention to the emotions step can grow our ability to stand in our own difficulties.”
- Accomplishment: A sense of completion arises when what has been accomplished is acknowledged. We often delve into it when things have gone well but shy away when things are messy. There can be long-lasting scars and organizational complications if people feel their accomplishments have not been recognized. When someone leaves an organization without their accomplishments being acknowledged, for example, it has an impact on them, those who watched the barren exit and the organizations that are being left and joined.
- Ritual: We are used to ceremonies marking special occasions, including funerals, which the two executive coaches note are the ultimate good bye. Rituals are similarly called for in workplace endings. They can be elaborate and complex or just a quiet, simple acknowledgment. Rituals already exist, of course: The celebration after a merger or project completion, the retirement party, the leaving card and the photos on the foyer wall where the organization’s history is commemorated. They are needed for endings to acknowledge feelings, loss and emotions such as guilt. Rituals also offer a chance to celebrate what has been – and anticipate and celebrate what comes next.
When the two executive coaches have a client in transition or leading change, they invite them to address the ending they may be ignoring. It allows energy bound up in the past to be released so they can move on to the future. “It is never too late to acknowledge an ending and, in doing so, to have a positive impact on the future that has been affected by that ending,” they stress.
The steps should be tackled in order, although you can loop back to a previous one if necessary. You may need several rituals to close off and move on. It is helpful to do your own work first – taking yourself privately through the four steps, which provides the reflection that will make you more capable of supporting others through the process. “A leader who understands that an ending is a part of the future makes what comes next more likely to succeed,” they believe.
Cannonballs
- Executive coach Dan Rockwell suggests instead of assigning a stretch assignment by explaining the project and developing a plan, start with one question that will energize the effort: “How can we make this an awesome experience for you?”
- Business coach Karen Catlin says given women are less likely than men to apply for a job unless they meet 100 per cent of the qualifications, you should consider this statement the nonprofit public interest law firm Homebase includes in job descriptions: “We encourage you to apply, even if you are not sure you meet all these qualifications. You may have knowledge and experiences not specifically listed here that would support our mission and we would love to see your application!”
- Advertising consultant Roy H. Williams says you can create better online ads if you avoid abstract words. Use simple, concrete nouns that people can easily see in their mind. Use simple verbs that are easy to visualize as well. And embrace repetition.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.