Interested in more careers-related content? Check out our new weekly Work Life newsletter. Sent every Monday afternoon.
The golden ratio of conversation is supposed to be 7-38-55. We are advised to tailor our communication with others to research that seemed to suggest 7 per cent of a message is from words, 38 per cent from vocal tone and 55 per cent from body language.
It indicates non-verbal communication is the key to success, as many salespeople or others who received communication advice have been told over the years. It’s also wrong – one of many myths that hold us back from communicating better, according to retired community college teacher J. Dan Rothwell.
It’s based on research conducted by Albert Mehrabian, a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California, in which female speakers uttered a single word in an inconsistent voice, with no context provided, and a judgment was required about likability from a small unrepresentative sample of student subjects.
“From this, Mehrabian concluded that 93 per cent of the emotional meaning of this single word came from non-verbal cues such as tone of voice and facial expressions. Mehrabian never concluded that 93 per cent of the meaning of all messages is determined non-verbally,” Mr. Rothwell writes in Communication Myths.
In fact, in a 2009 interview with the BBC, Prof. Mehrabian said, “whenever I hear that misquote or misrepresentation of my findings I cringe because it should be so obvious to anybody who would use any amount of common sense that that’s not the correct statement.”
So while non-verbal communication plays a role, words prevail. Indeed, Mr. Rothwell stresses the importance of framing perception by your choice of words. He points to the difference on recipients of using the term undocumented immigrants or illegal aliens, adventurous activity or risky behaviour, 90-per-cent success rate or 10-per-cent death rate.
“The frames we use with their accompanying narratives determine whether people notice problems, how they understand and remember problems, and how they evaluate and act upon them,” he says.
If you are looking for a good ratio to guide communication, try three-to-one, positive-to-negative.
He notes that we suffer from a negativity bias, a tendency to be more strongly influenced by negative than positive information. He offers two examples. If a person is described to you as “vivacious, smart, friendly and deceitful,” would you be positively or negatively disposed? If that person had been described as “crude, aggressive, unkind and intelligent,” what would be your reaction? In the first case, the one negative attribute would likely override the three positives but in the second case, the one positive at the end would probably not override the negatives.
Negativity can be vital, protecting us from threats. But interestingly, research has found the best work teams are positively oriented, with about six times as many positive comments (such as “well done” or “good work”) between each other as negative (“that won’t work”). The poorest-performing work teams had a three-to-one negative-to-positive ratio.
Six-to-one positive-to-negative may be higher than you need. One study suggests a “tipping point” occurs when we have at least a three-to-one positive-to-negative in how we communicate with others – over time, not in each occurrence. The Gottman Institute has reported five-to-one positive is ideal.
Mr. Rothwell urges you to keep the importance of such supportive communications in mind. Look for ways to say “good job” or “that’s an interesting idea” or even “happy birthday.”
Communication is often treated as a magic elixir that can solve many workplace difficulties. Mr. Rothwell, with six books on communication to his name, disagrees. Competent communication can provide means of coping effectively with diverse challenges, he says, but it may not change people’s behaviour in the ways we might wish. Organizations may be dysfunctional because of systemic problems beyond an individual’s control or communication wizardry.
“Communication competence is not a cure-all, but inept communication can be a ticket to disaster. Learning to communicate appropriately and effectively can significantly improve your chances of successful outcomes even though some problems may remain despite your best efforts and communication,” he says.
Quick hits
- Venture capitalist Sahil Bloom urges you every Sunday night to write a win list of the three to five things that, if accomplished in the coming week, would characterize real progress on the most important priorities in your professional life. Then keep it close to you in the next seven days.
- Marketing consultant Mark Schaefer takes a contrarian view to work-life balance. Asked recently what he would say to his hard-toiling younger self about the early years, he resisted what seemed a prod to talk about missing out on non-work stuff. “I don’t regret working hard to build momentum in my career because it has led to a lifetime of benefits and financial freedom,” he says in his newsletter.
- “It’s hard to build momentum if you keep dividing your attention,” notes author James Clear.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.