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There is a penalty for ambition.
But only if you are female.
“We’ve taught generations of girls to speak up, fight for what they deserve and take ownership of their ambitions while overlooking the ways in which we as women are still punished for doing those very things,” journalist Stefanie O’Connell writes in her book The Ambition Penalty, which is jammed with research studies and stories of individual women that back her point.
Her interest was piqued as she noticed a patten in which women – who had been told by former Meta Platforms chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg and others to lean in and seek the biggest jobs and proper remuneration – were being passed over and pushed out not for a lack of ambition but for “too much” of it. Seeking more opportunity, influence or money led them to be excluded from opportunities, promotions and pay raises after displaying their ambition.
She notes that contrary to the common view that women lag behind in the workplace because they lack the drive and passion of their male colleagues, data shows they start their careers with the same or even higher levels of ambition as their male counterparts. The difference is that while men are praised and rewarded for public ambition, women are more likely to be judged and punished for acting on theirs.
“Even the word ambitious still takes on alternative meanings dependent on whom it’s applied to – with ‘he’s ambitious’ serving as a compliment, suggesting a praiseworthy drive to succeed, while ‘she’s ambitious’ is deployed as a critique or warning, coded as ‘she’s calculating and manipulative,’” Ms. OConnell says.
That was seen in attacks on presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris as too ambitious without similar questions raised about their male opponents. Women’s ambitions, she says, are still widely seen as unattractive and undesirable – even crass – while men’s ambitions are far more likely to be nurtured into power, profit and prestige. In an era where we supposedly don’t discriminate, she says women, when they question their failure to advance, are met with pervasive gaslighting that finds all sorts of explanations that avoid reality.
Efforts to promote female empowerment actually backfire, a 2024 report suggests. Women in the U.K. were provided with data on gender equality, such as the fact women now outnumber men in higher education yet are significantly underrepresented in positions of professional leadership, and then exposed to messages or activities encouraging them to be strong, more strategic and more resilient to gain professional achievement.
Across most of the studies, that led to less willingness for collective action to challenge gender equality than for women not exposed to the individualistic empowerment message. Ms. O’Connell says that indicates the encouragement of self-empowerment feminism in the past decade is not only ineffective but contributing to the stalled metrics on gender equity by undermining support for structural changes and collective organizing needed to actually address gender discrimination.
A big push for individual action came in 2003 with the publication of Women Don’t Ask by academics Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever arguing women were less likely than men to directly ask for raises, promotions and better job opportunities. Even in their first job, men were bargaining for higher pay while women were likely acquiescent to the initial offer, an initial difference in remuneration that compounded markedly over a career.
Ms. O’Connell says more recent studies – notably by Laura J. Kray, Jessica A. Kennedy and Margaret Lee – show that women actually do ask for more these days but gender biases leave many of them less likely to get what they asked for and more likely to be penalized for even attempting to negotiate. And it’s apparently not their negotiation style because in experimental negotiation situations women were actually rated higher than men. It’s something in the reality of our offices that damages them – “when they actually challenge the status quo and male dominance,” says Ms. O’Connell.
Her advice: “Yes, ‘ask for more’ knowing that you may be penalized for asking. But don’t forget that those penalties say far more about the shortcomings of your workplace leadership and the culture we live in, than they do about you.”
She often encounters claims that the biggest obstacle to women gaining greater promotions and pay is other women – what is known as “The Queen Bee Syndrome.” She notes there is no male equivalent because we expect men to be competitive but are repulsed by it in women. She acknowledges that sometimes women leaders are the culprit but insists that can reflect patriarchal stereotypes portraying women as less competent and committed to their work than male peers, nudging women in leadership positions to show they are not “like the other girls.”
It adds up to an indictment of modern management. Instead of claiming they are gender blind and committed to a meritocracy, managers need to fight these biases through practices such as defining and standardizing clear and equitable metrics, using relevant and accurate performance critiques and developing more transparent decision-making procedures. You may think you are doing that already but there is evidence you could be fooling yourself.
Cannonballs
- HR Blogger Mike Pearce says the future will be a four-day week, as evidenced by trials across multiple countries showing workers are happier and healthier – and companies are making more money. He points to a recent study that found 70 per cent of employees who tried a four-day week said they would need a 10- to 50-per-cent pay raise to return to five days (and 13 per cent said no amount of money would convince them).
- Avoiding distractions is seen as vital to productivity but Canmore, Alta. consultant Michael Kerr reminds us that distractions can at times be good. One study showed they can stimulate greater creativity, push aside mental debris and help our minds zero in a solution to a problem, and open our minds and improve moods. So seek good distractions.
- Entrepreneur Seth Godin points out it is difficult to ride a bicycle in pitch darkness as you can’t see where you are going or maintain balance. Similarly, when you choose to avoid the conversations that make you uncomfortable, you’re pedaling in the dark.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.