Tati Gabrielle as “Jade” in New Line Cinema’s “Mortal Kombat 2.”Warner Bros/Supplied
Mortal Kombat II
Directed by Simon McQuoid
Written by Jeremy Slater, based on the video game by Ed Boon and John Tobias
Starring Karl Urban, Tadanobu Asano and Hiroyuki Sanada
Classification 14A; 116 minutes
Opens in theatres May 8
Inside of the new Mortal Kombat sequel there are two warriors, each fighting for bloody supremacy.
The first combatant is a gentle wink-wink comedy involving a washed-out movie star named Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), a Nicolas Cage-meets-Dolph Lundgren styled stand-in, who is mistaken for a real-deal champion and pulled into a mystical fighting tournament with world-ending consequences. Think of Galaxy Quest or Three Amigos or even the meta cult comedy My Name Is Bruce starring the charming and big-chinned Evil Dead swashbuckler Bruce Campbell. But then add in a generous amount of scenes in which throats are slashed, heads are smashed, and grey matter is vivisected. When this cheeky, sorta-self-aware side of Mortal Kombat II is in the spotlight, the movie delivers a fun enough ride for those who like their brains turned just a hemisphere or so off, if not completely bifurcated.
"Mortal Kombat 2" opens in theatre on May 8.Warner Bros/Supplied
The trouble is that the second fighter trapped inside the film is a far duller, weak-kneed contender. One that’s bogged down by all manner of mystical mumbo jumbo involving magical amulets, vengeful sorcerers, lightning gods, and pasty-faced necromancers. It is as interesting as reading the computer code that was used to create the original Mortal Kombat video game, and about as fun as getting your spine torn out.
Unfortunately, the latter movie all too often overtakes the former, turning this new Mortal Kombat II – not to be mistaken for 1997’s Mortal Kombat Annihilation, the sequel to 1995’s Mortal Kombat – into a tournament of cinematic dunces.
It didn’t have to be this way, as director Simon McQuoid (returning after the 2021 reboot, also confusingly titled Mortal Kombat) and new-to-the-series screenwriter Jeremy Slater seem to acknowledge. Whenever their film focuses on the rumblefish-out-of-water shenanigans involving Cage, whose only skill seems to be high-kicking the air and snapping on his shades, the film feels just silly enough to survive.
But then Cage keeps getting sidelined by characters like the lightning god Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) and the robot-armed Jax (Mehcad Brooks) who, by their basic descriptions just there should be a whole lot more interesting than they actually are. I mean, you have a lightning guy and a cyborg fighting to the death in far-out locales festooned with spikes and hellfire and all manner of deathly accoutrements, and yet the action is as exciting as watching your younger brother hog the Sega Genesis controller for an hour and a half.
Left to right, Max Huang as “Kung Lao”, and Ludi Lin as “Liu Kang”.Warner Bros/Supplied
While Urban can do this kind of slack-jawed what-fresh-hell-is-this comedy in his sleep by now thanks to his roles on the similarly disgusting (but far more engaging) series The Boys, the actor is consistently undermined by McQuoid’s uneven tone (is this supposed to be VHS-era sleaze or modern CGI slop?) and Slater’s deathly dialogue and exhausting plot twists. Even the big juicy kills, when they finally and mercifully arrive, aren’t original or outlandish enough to snap you awake.
By the time that one character – I’d say who, but it truly doesn’t matter – utters the vengeful death-bed promise of, “This isn’t the end, but just the beginning,” you’ll want to tap out and pray for the sweet relief of a “Finish Him!” death. But you won’t get it, because there are still 20 more brutal minutes to go. To paraphrase the addictively catchy untz-untz-untz theme song: “Mortal Kombaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.”