Bumper cars: How close is too close when it comes to parking?

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How close is too close? That’s the eternal question when it comes to parking. How much space should you leave between the front of your car and the rear bumper of the car parked ahead? How much between your rear and the car behind you? What are the “Close Parking” rules?

The answer, to some drivers, appears to be none. At least that was the case with the Kia I saw parked behind a Honda on a Toronto street this week. The Kia’s front bumper was pressed aggressively against the Honda’s rear. There was no gap between them; not a millimetre, not a sliver of daylight was visible between the two.

The Kia had opted to Pull Up To The Bumper, as style icon, singer and actress Grace Jones had advised in her 1981 classic. The Honda had parked a foot short of the lip of the driveway on a stretch of curb that could accommodate two vehicles if the front vehicle parked flush with the driveway’s entrance. This had not pleased the Kia driver, who was trying to fit in front of the other driveway and made a “statement park”. It must have left a nice scrape in the process.

I took a photo of the enmeshed bumpers but did not stick around to film the expression on the driver’s face.

That’s close parking for you. It’s a game of inches. There is no legal minimum requirement of space between parked cars, although a little more than half a metre is generally advised. It’s left entirely to the discretion of the driver who is parking. How much space should you leave? It’s situational and relative, like answering the question “How fast can you run?” with the answer “That depends on what’s chasing me.”

While the Kia’s parking job might seem extreme, it’s far from rare. There is a lot of very, very close parking. Think of the different types of close parking as you would classes of airfare.

Here are the five main ones:

• Half Box: A vehicle “pulls up to the bumper, baby” against the rear bumper of another, but the vehicle whose rear has been pressed against has room in front to drive away (as was the case of the Kia). Hence, a “Half Box” is said to have been committed.
• Full Box: A successful “Full Box” involves two cars parking in front and behind a vehicle with virtually no space between them. To escape, the trapped driver must make a 37-point turn. It’s an infuriating situation, but does give the trapped driver a good forearm workout and a chance to use every piece of profanity they know.
• Side Box Flex: A “Side Box” park is achieved in a parking lot when two vehicles park so closely on either side of a third vehicle that it is impossible for the driver of the third vehicle to open a door to enter their car, unless the driver can gain access through an open window, sunroof or the trunk. They are helplessly stuck.
• Premium Full Box Ultra: One of the rarest of the close park manoeuvres, the “Premium Full Box Ultra” occurs when two vehicles park so closely behind and in front of a third that is impossible for the trapped middle vehicle to exit, even with the 37-point turn. The hapless driver is stuck until one of the offending drivers returns to the scene of their parking crime. No one is immune, not even actors. In 2023, Ben Affleck was the victim of a Premium Full Box Extreme in Brentwood, Calif. when his Mercedes was pinned in.
• Premium Side Box Flex Prestige: A car is “Side Box” sandwiched between two vehicles parked on either side. A fourth vehicle arrives and parks across from the parking space entrance. Now the driver of the trapped car is not able to enter their vehicle, but even if they were, there is not enough space to pull out of the parking spot.

Full Box or Premium Full Box Ultra parks cannot be escaped without bumping into the offending cars multiple times. Some trapped drivers take extreme action. They will reverse violently into the rear vehicle, pushing it a foot or two back. Both cars are damaged but the Full Box prisoner escapes. The is no escape from a Premium Side Box Flex Prestige.

Ethically, close parking is the opposite of paying it forward. It’s the opposite of buying someone’s coffee at the drive thru. It’s like taking the coffee of the person behind you and hurling it backward at their windshield. Think of it as “passing it backward” or “kicking it downward” or “discarding it contemptuously.” It’s also bad karma.

There is some hope for salvation. In 2018, Brazilian police released video that showed a police officer driving out of a simulated “Full Box” without causing damage. The Sun broke down the methodology. The Brazilian cop cranked the front wheels on full lock in the direction he wanted to drive and applied the handbrake. He revved to around 4,000 rpm. When his car hit just below the “bite point of the clutch” he released it with the car still revving. Since the rear wheels were locked, the front wheel made the car slip and slide grappling for traction and – voila – freed the vehicle from the Full Box.

What should you do it you ever find yourself stuck in a Full Box, Side Box, Premium Full Box Ultra or Premium Side Box Flex Prestige? My advice is to locate the nearest Brazilian police officer.