Cars drive through the Christmas decorated Gediminas Avenue in Vilnius, Lithuania, on Dec. 2, 2022.Mindaugas Kulbis/The Associated Press
Dear Jesus,
I hope you don’t mind me writing. You are no doubt busy, but I figure with you being all-powerful you can spare a few minutes. I’m hoping you might be able to solve a mystery. Not one of the big ones, not the “Problem of Evil” or “Why Do We Suffer?” Greater minds than me (much greater minds) have tried and failed. Besides, you’re probably tired of being inundated by those, and if you ask me, it’s probably none of our business.
No, mine is a minor mystery. I want to know why people celebrate the run up to, the day of and the weeks following your birthday by driving like maniacs. I mean, they go nuts. Driving is always terrible, unless you are on a racetrack or get up at 4 a.m. so you can drive on deserted streets (both of which I’ve done) but the driving in the weeks leading up to Dec. 25 (that’s when we’ve decided your birthday is) and the weeks after is notoriously awful.
What I want to know is why?
Obviously, we’ve never met but when I go through your teachings, I do not find any passages extolling the virtues of exacting revenge on the Toyota Camry that takes extra time turning left on the yellow and leaves you stuck on the red. There is no “And they came with their offerings before the Lord, six covered carts and 12 oxen; a cart for every two of the chiefs, and for every one an ox. And they were so infuriated by the congestion that they begat a great clapping of hands, banging and yelling the Lord’s name in vain, for they had no horns to honk.”
There’s none of that.
Instead, there is stuff like “Love your neighbour as yourself” and “Forgive others who have wronged you.” At the sermon on the mount, you said “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
Look, just being honest here, but we normally don’t see much of that on the roads in the month of December.
Quite the opposite. It’s an angry free-for-all on our streets, highways and parking lots. Most people know it’s the Christmas season by the bright decorations, jolly lights and sugary Hallmark movies. You know how I know it’s Christmastime? I see people driving as if they were possessed by Satan (one of your dad’s former employees). Most of the time these drivers are cutting off and cursing at people who do not bear them any ill will, let alone “hate” or “despitefully use” them. They’re just pouring out anger and frustration in the name of the holiday season.
For instance, the other day I knew Christmastime had begun because I saw a guy in a grey Honda Accord (with barely visible license plates) honk at someone for not turning right fast enough and then almost knock over a cyclist. He finished up his trifecta by trying to accelerate away from the shame of his angry stupidity at what must surely have been over 80 kilometres an hour in a 50 zone. I have scoured (okay, read) the bible and found nothing that would excuse such behaviour; sure, there’s a lot of violence but most of it has a point.
Right now, parking lots are relatively cordial. That will soon change because shoppers, buying gifts to celebrate your birthday - which symbolizes God giving you to us (see: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son”) and is articulated by giving to others – will descend on shopping centres like a plague of four-wheeled locusts. One day a video of two mall Santas getting into a road rage fist fight over a parking space will “go viral” and we will have reached peak Christmas parking.
And what’s with the Christmas drunk driving? You seem like the kind of person who has a couple of glasses of red with dinner and then stops. The bible has its share of revelling, but you are not exactly downing shots of vodka. You turn water into wine at the wedding in Cana (which is a very nice thing to do) and Luke refers to you drinking but that’s about it. If people were celebrating Bacchus or the Norse god Odin, the intense boozing would make sense, but it still would not account for the drinking and driving. What is it about “The angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord” that makes people want to drink eight beers and hop in their automobile?
I mean, some people are compulsive. Last year in Alberta, for example, police charged 189 impaired drivers between Dec. 24, 2023, and Jan. 1, 2024. You are probably aware, but people drink and drive so much that every Christmas season the police have to hold Festive RIDE (Reduce Impaired Driving Everywhere) programs in which they stop random drivers. We live in an age of taxis, Ubers, subways and shoes. To drink and drive in this modern era you must really want it. Drunk driving is obviously a sin. Food for thought: Maybe when these people die, they could be sent to Hell, which, for all I know, might involve driving around endlessly in Christmas traffic.
Anyway, any light you can shed – any more light you can shed – would be greatly appreciated.