I have a confession to make. Whenever a server asks my name after I’ve given my order at a drive-thru, I say “J.R.”
I’ve been doing this since the 1980s. It is an homage to the character J.R. Ewing (played by Larry Hagman), the Texas oil baron villain of the prime-time soap opera Dallas (1978 to 1991). Consequently, for the past 40 years I have said “J.R.” whenever a drive-thru person asks my name. During the pandemic lockdowns, drive-thrus were my lifeline. I got called “J.R.” a lot.
I never get bored of this practice. Never. I get a little rush every time. If I’m having a bad day and need a little lift, I’ll go to a Starbucks drive-thru (they always ask your name at Starbucks) order a tall Pike Place and savour the moment the server says, “tall Pike Place for J.R.” I avoid drive-thrus where servers don’t ask your name.
Of course, when I started doing this, people were familiar with Dallas. Now, young drive-thru servers have no idea who J.R Ewing is. But that’s no matter, I know who he is and I know he’s not me and the fact that they address me as J.R. thrills me.
Why am I telling you? Well, National Drive-Thru Day was on Thursday, a time when we celebrate the “ease of dropping off or picking up an item without getting out of the car.”
The age of the drive-thru is said to have begun at Red’s Giant Hamburg on Route 66 in Springfield, Miss. in 1947. In-N-Out Burger began selling through the drive-thru in California in 1948. In 1977, McDonald’s opened its first drive-thru in Canada in Regina. I celebrated National Drive-Thru Day as I always do, by using the Starbuck’s drive-thru, ordering a Grande Pike Place and saying my name is J.R.
I suppose I’m trying to make two points:
- There is obviously something wrong with me.
- Drive-thrus bring out the weird in people.
Drive-thru news is full of far stranger behaviour. For instance, a Texas man was once fined US$255 for riding his horse through the drive-thru at Taco Bell.
In 2009, a Bracebridge, Ont. naturist was charged for being naked while using two drive-thrus. He was charged with “appearing nude in public or visible to the public.” He lodged a constitutional challenge arguing nudity was free speech. An Ontario court did not agree. “Attending at the pickup of Tim Hortons, of A&W, without one’s pants expresses little meaning about naturism to others,” Justice Jon-Jo A. Douglas told the court. “And it is certainly not perceived as having important meaning.”
Drive-thrus are attractive to drunk drivers. Hamilton, Ont. police found a man in line at the drive-thru “passed out behind the wheel, unresponsive and showing no signs of waking up.” His breathalyzer readings were “101 and 96 milligrams of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood,” police said. He was arrested.
A woman “driving with a blood-alcohol level more than four times the legal limit” was arrested at a Halifax area drive-thru in January. She had bumped her Hyundai Sonata into the building and passed out.
We’re seeing the start of antagonism against artificial intelligence at the drive-thru. One American driver who was fed up with Taco Bell’s AI chatbots ordered “1,000 waters.” This flummoxed the chatbot, which replied, “Let me get a team member to help you.”
Drive-thrus will be implementing more and more AI. According to restaurantdive.com, Wendy’s will deploy digital menu boards and its drive-thru voice AI system, Fresh AI, to more than 500 restaurants in 2025.
So, we should all get ready to start ordering “1,000 waters.” Or, as in the series I Think You Should Leave, start ordering “55 Burgers, 55 Fries…”
Far be it for me to tell people what to do, but next time you are at the drive-thru, use a fake name. It will brighten your day.
Tell them J.R. sent you.