Driving brings out the worst in us. Behaviour that would be unthinkable in person is ubiquitous on the road.
Few people, for instance, would have the nerve to cut into the front of a line at the hardware store. They’d be called out. Put them behind a steering wheel and it’s a different story. The temptation to cut the line is strong.
I call this “creeping.” It happens when two lanes are merging into a bottleneck. The creeper drives by in an adjacent moving lane (or along the shoulder) past a queue of waiting cars. At the cusp of the bottleneck, the creeper flicks on their turn signal and tries to cut into the front of the line.
This is different from using the universally approved “zipper method,” in which traffic in both lanes proceeds to the point where two merge into one and then drivers take alternating turns. Like the teeth of a zipper, vehicles merge alternately one after the other.
The creeper doesn’t know their zipper from their elbow.
If the two right lanes of a four-lane one way are merging, the creeper uses the lane immediately to the left of the merge to scoot to the end and cut in line. They block the centre left lane (which should be moving) and hope those who have been waiting shrug and let him in.
It’s one of the most infuriating moves on the road.
It’s infuriating because, if you are one of the drivers waiting your turn you are watching the creeper make your trip longer. It’s their world and you are just living in it.
You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you let them in, you feel like a sucker. But if you don’t, if you play chicken with a creeper, you have lowered yourself to their level (or worse, you’ve escalated the boorish, potentially dangerous behaviour). You’ve let them get to you. The best move is to rise above, even if that feels like rewarding (and encouraging) bad behaviour.
I came to that realization after applying the theories of the book The Let Them Theory to driving. The 2024 book by American motivational speaker Mel Robbins has led millions of people to engage in a universal shrug. It is grounded in radical acceptance and cognitive behavioural therapy and encourages readers to let go of what they can’t control – namely other people’s actions – and instead “let them” do as they please.
“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend,” Robbins writes. “Let Them. If the person that you’re really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, Let Them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, Let Them.”
Instead, readers are to think “Let Me” and focus on their own actions. The book has sold more than 10 million copies.
It can apply to creeping and cutting in line.
There are two-sides to the “Let Me” driving coin. One says, “Let me cut in line.” The flipside says, “Let me, let you cut in line so I can get back to listening to my true crime podcast.
The “Let me cut in line” drivers are not worried about what the world thinks of them. They are doing what they want to with their one wild and precious life.
The “Let me, let you” drivers are making the most of their wild and precious lives because they are not trying to control others, they are gaining power by letting the creeper get away with their indiscretion so they can all get on with life. When you come to think of it, most driving is a lot of “Let me, let you” drivers putting up with the “Let me” variety. I think Elton John calls it the circle of life.
Sadly, when I study our streets and highways, I do not always find the “Let Them” spirit on display. Oh, I see a lot of spirit, and that spirit can be described in two words, and the second of these words is indeed “them,” but the first word is definitely not “let.”
Personally, I’ve been “letting them” long before it was fashionable. I’ve been way ahead on that philosophy. Robbins writes, “Adults will have negative opinions about you and everything you do. Let Them judge. Let Them react. Let Them doubt you. Let Them question the decisions you are making.”
Mel, that was me in Grade Six. The Let Them theory works particularly well if you don’t care about the people you are letting do stuff, and when it comes to creepers, I really don’t care. Nor should you.
If a creeper wants to be that kind of person, who am I to stop them? Be a dirtbag. More importantly, why should I let a creeper’s lack of class cause me distress? I already have enough on my plate to give me worry and existential angst.
I let creepers cut in line so I can get back to what really matters, oscillating between fretting about the nonexistent future and ruminating on the nonexistent past, rather than living in the glorious present. I have better things to do.
Lionel Richie sang it best:
Let you, let me
Let us for always
That’s the way it should be
Let you, let me
Let them cut into traffic, naturally