Dear Automatic Transmission,
I hope you are well. It's been a while since I've written. Sorry. Been busy. Life, what's it all about? Anyway, just wanted to write and thank you again for being invented. How long ago was that?
I guess it was after those two French guys created the first manual transmission in 1894. Then, in 1904, that dude from Boston (Thomas J. Sturtevant) designed the Automatic Tourer and equipped it with internal combustion and 3-speed semi-automatic gearbox. After that, General Motors stepped up with the clutchless automatic transmission in 1938 and called it the Hydra-Matic. In 1948, the first fully automatic transmission arrived with Buick's Dynaflow system.
Now GM has almost gone extinct. I guess that's karma for you.
You know "AT," today it's actually pretty hard to even buy a car with manual transmission? You are the default transmission for most domestic cars and a lot of imports. You must be very proud.
Driving sure has improved since you appeared. Remember all those people who were afraid to operate a car because they found manual transmissions difficult and were anxious about driving? They either walked or were passengers. Well, thanks to you, all those people are now behind the wheel. It's awesome, because, what you want when you're driving are millions of people on the road who are either too lazy or too inept to figure out manual transmission. Some maintain that's what modern life's all about - debasing otherwise noble pursuits and making them so banal that any drooling idiot can do them.
Did you know that if you Google "people who hate automatic transmission" you get 266,000 hits? Did you know that there is a Facebook "Society for the Abolition of Automatic Transmission"? I guess folks are upset because automatic transmissions are much more expensive to repair than manual ones. They also have worse fuel economy.
But you know what I say? That may be true but you, automatic transmission, are easier to use and that's all that matters: Microwavable risotto, instant cappuccino, Guitar Hero, Wii Tennis, automatic transmission. What's not to love?
Not everyone is thrilled as I am by your dominance. They say you took the drive out of driving. You have to admit, manual transmission requires a certain amount of flair and skill. When you drive manual, your personality is revealed. It isn't neurosurgery but it is something that requires a human brain and opposable thumb. But, thanks to you, all we need now is the ability to press down on a large pedal - the same level of skill a lab rat needs to push down a lever and receive a dose of whatever drug they're testing on it.
They have automatic transmission trucks now. You must be really pleased. Imagine: truckers who steer hulking tons of wheeled steel at high speeds choosing to sacrifice control and feel in order to drive automatic. Comforting isn't it?
It's funny. Having grown up driving stick, I have to admit, you were once something I only associated with crappy rental cars. I'd pick up my Ford Taurus from the dealer and pinch my nose. Perhaps that's because when you drive stick you are actually driving the car, controlling it, being active. Manual transmission is like riding a horse. Automatic transmission is like riding a merry-go-round.
I don't want to alarm you AT, but automobile designers are working on smart cars that will some day make using automatic transmission look strenuous. You can already buy a car that will parallel park for you. I have to ask: How much of a loser do you have to be in order to need a car that parallel parks for you? Is it that much trouble to practice a bit? Do you have that much contempt for the art of driving? When you buy a parallel parking car does it come with a free machine that chews your Kashi Go Lean for you?
Last month, it was reported that there is an Oxford professor who is working tirelessly on new technologies to make driving even easier. He imagines talking windshields, cars that honk at the driver, head-rest alerts, even aroma therapy that chills you out when you begin to grow agitated.
Progress.
They say it's about making drivers safe. I'm not so sure. Why not just make driving exams more difficult, require motorists to hone their skills (e.g. skid school) and reward excellent drivers with lower insurance rates and special privileges. Why not have parking lots that are reserved for those who have spotless records?
No, you're right. I guess that would be elitist. The crappy drivers would feel left out.
Of course, it may be that using technology to make everything easy is just a way to sell more cars. The easier it is to drive the more people will buy automobiles. When the going gets easy, the easy get going. And, if the last economic downturn has taught us anything it's that it is all about the money.
Anyway, take care of yourself automatic transmission. Take care and thanks for everything.