Lately it seems like you can't open a newspaper (note to readers under 30: newspapers were paper-based text carrying devices used in the 20th century. You know, the thing your parents hold in the morning and sigh over) without reading a story about someone convicted 324 times for drunk driving being sentenced to a box of plain Timbits and missing the first period of the Sens game.
The most recent example was a 40-year-old Ottawa-area "man" who was handed a lifetime driving ban after being convicted of his 10th drunk driving charge. Bernard Richard Brassard was picked up last year when officers saw his car swerving and found a mug of wine on the floor (a dry late harvest Riesling, perhaps). He was given 28 months in prison, less the eight he'd already served while awaiting his sentencing and, once released, will be required to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
Required?
Really?
He'll be required?
If you've been busted 10 times for DUI shouldn't you want to voluntarily attend meetings? If not, you're beyond repair.
Some might argue that he has a disease and his judge, when promulgating the sentence, noted that Brassard was in already in rehabilitation. Hey, it's not the drinking that's getting him thrown in prison. Frankly, drunk drivers give alcoholics a bad name. There are millions of alcoholics and most of them have the good sense not to get paralytic and then climb behind the wheel. Sure, they ruin their lives and the lives of those they love but they do it from the comfort of a couch or nearest crusty futon.
I would also counter that if someone has a disease that makes him or her get drunk and stagger around daycares waving a gun then, disease nor not, we'd make sure they never had the chance to do it again - especially if they had done it 10 times already. Geeze, we throw homeless people in jail for urinating on the sidewalk. It's gross and disgusting but nobody ever had their head driven through a windshield because a guy misspelled his name in a downtown snow bank.
Of course, Ottawa boy has nothing on the Tiger Woods of DUI. Nova Scotian Terry "the Naug" Naugle, of the "Truro area," who has 68 convictions - 22 of them for drunk driving. Terry was given eight-and-half years for almost killing a family who had the misfortune to be on the same road as he was after the Terrynator had partaken of a little libation.
"I know that he's being seen as the most notorious drunk driver in Nova Scotia," said a member of his family. "But he's still a person."
Oh yeah? Just barely.
Of course, it's easy for us to judge someone else's drinking habits. Who among us has not had a drink or two and then felt competent to drive home? Odds are we were just lucky enough not to encounter the wrong set of circumstances on the road. Alcohol impairs you. It hampers your ability to function (unless you're the prime minister, then it enhances your ability to build railroads*). Ironically, people who truly love driving don't drink and drive because it lessens the road experience.
As a culture we've made pretty good strides against drunk driving. In the 1950s, if a cop stopped you for being over the limit chances were he'd tell you to roll the windows down. In the 1970s and 1980s it was glorified. Folks used to walk to parties, get drunk and then go home so they could get their cars and drive drunk. Thanks largely to a grassroots disgust and a media blitz, drunk driving is now socially unacceptable. Most of us are aware of its horrific cost and we don't want to endure the shame associated.
Now it's just the stayers and the players of boozy motoring. Last Halloween, for instance, a guy in Ohio dressed up as a breathalyzer and was later arrested for driving over the influence. Now that's what I call using "The Secret."
What can we do?
If we take away habitual drunk drivers' licenses, they drive anyway. Their licenses are always suspended and it never stops them. If we take away their cars, they'll steal one and drive drunk. Some suggest fitting cars with breathalyzers. It won't work, if a drunk is determined to drive, said drunk will find a way to trick these instruments of gas obstruction. We can pick drunk drivers up at check points but, even if we jail them forever, they'll eventually get out and the first thing they are likely to do is hammer back some booze and go for a cruise. Will they stop drinking? Maybe. People change. The promise of redemption is eternal. Meanwhile, the damage inflicted rolls on. I guess we'll just have to surrender ourselves to the things we can't control.
If you ever find yourself suffering from optimism, Google the phrase "drunk driving." You'll be cured instantly. You may even feel like taking a drink. By all means, have one. But make sure to leave your keys on the other side of the room.
* I promise at least one Sir John A. Macdonald joke per annum. That's the Road Sage guarantee!