Energizer Holdings Inc. (DOG)
Turns out the Energizer Bunny doesn’t “keep going and going” after all – not when tariffs short-circuit its batteries. Shares of Energizer Holdings ran out of juice after the maker of batteries, portable lighting and auto care products posted quarterly earnings below expectations as organic sales (sales excluding acquisitions) slumped 2.2 per cent. With tariffs and soft consumer demand in North America draining performance, the company warned that 2026 sales will be “flat to slightly up” while gross margins are expected to decline “modestly.” Add it to Donald Trump’s growing list of achievements: halting the once-unstoppable Energizer Bunny.
iShares Bitcoin Trust ETF (DOG)
Who knew an asset that has no intrinsic value, generates no income and is favoured by highly-leveraged speculators would get caught in a massive selloff? Shocking! Bitcoin continued to vaporize wealth as investors grew allergic to risk and lost faith that the U.S. Federal Reserve will cut interest rates in December amid stubborn inflation. With the digital token sinking to less than US$85,000 on Friday, down about 33 per cent from its record high of more than $126,000 in October, there’s never been a better time to mortgage your house and get in on this can’t-miss investing opportunity.
La-Z-Boy Inc. (STAR)
Pop quiz! Shares of furniture manufacturer and retailer La-Z-Boy rose after: a) the company said its new Man Cave recliner – complete with a mini-fridge and Doritos dispenser – has already sold out for the holidays; b) Donald Trump placed an order for 1,000 dining chairs, spray painted in gold, for his new White House ballroom; c) La-Z-Boy reported quarterly sales and earnings above expectations and raised its dividend by 10 per cent – the fifth year of double-digit growth. Answer: c.
Walmart Inc. (STAR)
Attention Walmart shoppers: In the unlikely event that you have any money left over after the holidays, we recommend you buy Walmart stock. Thanks to cash-strapped people like you who are struggling to stretch their budgets, our comparable sales rose 4.5 per cent in the third quarter, driven by strong growth in e-commerce. Business is so good, we raised our full-year outlook, sending our stock up. So go ahead and buy a few shares. You may not be able to afford groceries next month, but at least you’ll own a tiny piece of a business empire that sells them.
Bath & Body Works Inc. (DOG)
Bath & Body Works investors are taking a bath all right. Shares of the personal-care retailer were soaking wet after it posted third-quarter results below expectations and warned that fourth-quarter sales will fall by high single digits, citing “current business trends and continuation of recent macro consumer pressures.” With the stock down about 60 per cent this year, shareholders are watching their money circle the drain.