Gold (DOG)
When your barber, your Uber driver and everyone at your kids’ sleepover are all talking about buying gold, you know the rally is just getting started. That’s one interpretation. The other is that the greater fool theory is about to kick in the door. On the heels of a monster rally that pushed gold to a record of more than US$5,600 an ounce, the fever broke on Thursday as the metal fell sharply. It rebounded after JPMorgan predicted that bullion could hit US$8,000 an ounce by the end of the decade, only to tumble again on Friday as investors took profits. Momentum can carry prices a long way – right up until it doesn’t.
Tesla Inc. (DOG)
Pop quiz! Tesla Inc. shares dropped after: a) Elon Musk announced that he will relocate the company’s head office to Mars by the end of 2027; b) Donald Trump agreed to eliminate tariffs on Chinese EVs in exchange for a life-size gold statue of himself to adorn his White House ballroom; c) Tesla posted lower fourth-quarter revenue and earnings, said it will scrap its Model S and Model X vehicles as it pivots to making Optimus humanoid robots at its Fremont, Calif., factory, and pledged to invest US$20-billion in AI-related projects including self-driving robotaxis. Answer: c.
Microsoft Corp. (DOG)
Tired of the incessant jabber about AI? Microsoft Corp. investors are suffering from AI fatigue, too. The shares plunged 10 per cent – their steepest daily decline since March, 2020 – after the tech giant’s AI-fuelled capital spending soared 66 per cent to US$37.5-billion in its fiscal second quarter. Further rattling investors, revenue grew 38 per cent in Microsoft’s Azure cloud-computing unit, which just met analysts’ expectations but was slightly slower than the previous quarter. With the stock down more than 20 per cent from its record high in July, investors are asking their AI models if it’s time to get out.
General Motors Co. (STAR)
Was it a good week, or a bad week, for General Motors Co.? That depends on whether you’re an employee or an investor. Even as GM followed through on plans to cut the third shift at its assembly plant in Oshawa, Ont., leading to about 500 direct layoffs, the automaker beat fourth-quarter earnings estimates and issued a 2026 forecast that also topped expectations. Citing its “winning vehicles,” “operating discipline” and “strong cash generation,” the company also hiked its dividend by 20 per cent and approved a new US$6-billion share repurchase authorization. Nice to know some people aren’t suffering.
Bombardier Inc. (DOG)
There once was a business named “Bomber”
Whose shareholders used to feel calmer
Until Trump threw a fit
And the share price was hit
Now the money folks made is a goner