We’re making holiday magic for our kids, but at what cost?

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I recently came across Globe and Mail reporter Ann Hui’s essay about how millennial women are not okay, owing to the growing economic, family, and mental-health burdens placed on us, and it resonated deeply. As an entrepreneur and parent, my weeks are spent juggling a myriad of commitments and when you factor in the holidays, it gets truly overwhelming.

Christmas is my favourite time of year, and I feel a huge amount of pressure to make the season magical for my two young daughters. I’m making a list of to-dos, from decorating the house, to scheduling Santa photos, to making special baked goods as a family, to co-ordinating all the social events and hosting duties.

Not only does executing a major holiday feel like another full-time job – it’s never been more expensive. My girls are young now and toys they desire are not as pricey as the iPhones and Uggs they’ll one day want. But they do add up. And in addition to gifts for our kids, family members, daycare providers, and other loved ones, there’s the cost of holiday decorations, festive outfits, and excursions. Food prices have also soared, especially for those of us hosting, making the month of December a financial heavyweight for spending.

We want to make holiday magic for our kids, but at what financial and mental cost to us as parents?

Part of this pressure comes from strangers. Every time I open TikTok, I see gift hauls that put my own holiday purchases to shame; I see elaborate holiday appetizers that look more Martha Stewart than harried mom; and I see holiday decor straight out of a home magazine.

Part of the pressure comes from my friends and peers – from the beautiful Christmas cards that arrive in my mailbox to the creative daily Elf on a Shelf poses. And let’s be honest, much of the pressure is self-imposed. No one is telling me the holiday season has to be perfect and magical; it’s an unrealistic expectation I’ve set for myself.

So, let’s unite as parents to save this holiday season. First, let’s save money. Let’s take advantage of Mr. Trudeau’s tax breaks, and buy holiday gifts after Dec. 14, when there will be no GST on kids clothing, toys, board games, video games, and other items. If you’re like me and your kids already have a lot of stuff, let’s give preloved items, or regift items our kids aren’t using any more, instead of buying new.

Let’s set boundaries around gifts for our kids from a young age – I love the suggestion of Want, Need, Wear, Read (something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read), instead of piles of gifts, most of which will be ignored by mid-January.

Let’s set traditions around giving back, from donating clothes and toys we’re not using, to making a donation to a charity in the community, so our kids see that the holidays are not just about consumerism but about the true spirit of giving. (Bonus: charitable donations equal deductions at tax time.)

And finally, let’s embrace free. From free photos with Santa at community events, to free holiday activities like Santa Claus parades and holiday markets in your community, to driving or walking around to see holiday lights, there are so many ways to make holiday magic that costs nothing.

Next, let’s save mental space. Let’s be honest with the people in our lives that we’re in our “life is busy and we’re barely holding on” era, not our “homemade apple pie from scratch” era, unless that brings you joy. (Then please send me some).

Let’s ask our partners or family for help – I know the making of the list holds the most mental space, but every bit helps. Let’s look at those social media posts of the perfect content creators and recognize that their full-time job is making videos with beautiful Christmas tablescapes, and let it be.

And let’s reject the Pinterest perfect social media feed in favour of DIY decorations, mismatched tree ornaments, and a more casual approach to hosting that may involve your guests bringing an appetizer and pouring you a glass of mulled wine. Let’s give ourselves some grace – we’re doing our best, and if our best means mismatched wrapping paper and takeout turkey, then so be it.

And let’s agree that what forms core memories for our children isn’t the value of their holiday present haul, or whether the cinnamon buns on Christmas morning are homemade or Pillsbury. What I remember fondly, and what I hope our daughters take with them, is the joy of spending time with family, of repeating holiday traditions such as singing carols and picking out the perfect tree.

While an Elf on a Shelf costs $43, those memories are truly priceless – as is our mental health as parents.

Erin Bury is the co-founder and chief executive officer of online estate planning platform Willful.co. She lives in rural Ontario with her husband and two young children.