How to write a death notice, according to an obituaries editor

Open this photo in gallery:

Inside the crumbling leather cover of my dusty family Bible, there is a cluster of death notices glued onto the first page. After loved ones died, my ancestors clipped each one from a newspaper and stuck it in place.

Some are just one sentence long, stating the person’s name and age along with where and when they died. The oldest, noting the death of my distant relative Peter Adams in 1879, adds that he was the eldest resident of his community, and that “a large circle of relations and friends cherish his memory with affection.”

That might be all I will ever know about Peter Adams; the rest is lost to time. The notice doesn’t say anything about his sense of humour, what he did to make a living or what colour his hair was. So much more could have been done to capture who he was so that a broader circle of people – including descendants like me – could know him a little and maybe see something of themselves in him centuries later.

A death notice, also called an obituary, is published to inform the community about a person’s death, but it also becomes a precious piece of family history. It’s important to get it right.

Thankfully, writers of death notices nowadays tend to be more forthcoming than my Scottish immigrant ancestors. But many people find the task overwhelming: Where to begin, and what to say about a person?

I am the editor of The Globe and Mail’s editorial obituaries, which are articles written by journalists about public figures. Death notices have a lot in common with these obituaries, but one difference is that notices are typically written by a friend or family member of the deceased person.

Writing something while sorting through your own grief can be difficult and emotionally charged. With this in mind, here are some thoughts on how to write a death notice that contains the key facts, while also painting a vivid picture of the person who died. You can adapt the following outline as you see fit.

• Death announcement: Start off by stating that the person has died, and include their full name and age, as well as where and when they died. It is your choice whether to include the person’s cause of death. Sometimes, the only clue indicating how the person died is at the end of the notice, where mourners are asked to direct donations to a related charity (such as a cancer research foundation, for example).
• Biographical sketch: Your summary of the person’s life story can be as long or as short as you’d like. This section generally describes the major milestones of a person’s life, including details about their early years, as well as their education, career, marriage(s) and children. Look for official documents, such as birth and marriage certificates, to check your facts. You can include hobbies and other passions in this section. Next, think about what stands out most to you about the deceased – for example, humour, generosity or a signature quirk – and include an anecdote to illustrate this trait. Finally, devoted care providers are often given special thanks near the end.
• Survivors: Include surviving relatives (spouse, children, siblings, parents and possibly, even former spouses), plus any deceased relatives you feel you should mention. Think twice before leaving someone out because of family politics or feuds. You will likely regret it. This list can be placed either before or after the biographical sketch, as you wish.
• Service information: This is where you give practical information about the funeral, memorial or celebration of life, including the event’s date, time and location, for those who might want to attend.

When you are gathering information for the death notice, talk to other loved ones from different generations and use their input to create a full picture of the person who died. And it’s important to share your draft with family members before its publication to ensure that everyone is on the same page. If there are disagreements, you might need to use your diplomacy skills. Finally, double-check to make sure everything is correct before you submit your death notice (whether it’s to be published in a newspaper or online).

Create a three-dimensional portrait

Try to write about your loved one in a way that sparks recognition and brings mourners together.

While it might seem best to avoid anything remotely unflattering, this can come across as false or inauthentic. Our foibles make us interesting. There is nothing more compelling than an unflinching depiction of a complex, fully rendered human being. The Globe’s obituary guidelines contain the following piece of sound advice: “We want the subject to breathe one more time on the page and that means drawing a portrait that includes warts as well as graces.”

Newfoundlander Shannon Churchill managed to “breathe one more time on the page” when he opted to write his own life-affirming farewell in 2018 after he found out his cancer was terminal. Churchill listed all the experiences he had packed into his final months (including going face-to-face with a lion). His message: “My advice to you all is to make those bucket lists and to start filling them in. Life is short and it only runs out,” he wrote.

Churchill lived an extraordinary life. In one way or another, so do we all. Each of us deserves to be seen and properly seen off. Your ancestors will thank you.