The new year is a great opportunity to start new and better habits around smartphone use in your household.DAVID GRAY/AFP/Getty Images
Has your family life degraded into a constant battle over screen time? If so, it might be time for a reset, and the new year is the perfect opportunity to do that. Here are some clear, practical suggestions for managing technology at home. Whether you implement just one or all of these ideas, each will go a long way toward improving quality of life for parents and kids alike.
1: Reclaim parental authority. It’s okay to say no! You have the right to tighten up the household rules based on new information and to take back devices you may have introduced prematurely. If you recognize that a device or platform is not adding value to your child’s life, or perhaps even causing them harm, then you as their parent have a responsibility to intervene.
To quote Dr. Becky Kennedy, “Think of yourself as a pilot who always has the right to return to base, should the skies be more turbulent than expected. In fact, this is what passengers would want the pilot to do, even if they seem annoyed in the moment. You are the pilot of your family plane.”
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2: Don’t allow phones (or tablets or gaming consoles) in the bedroom at night, ever. The bedroom is where kids need to sleep, and if they have access to their devices at night, they won’t be able to resist checking them. Many teachers say students are chronically exhausted from being online at night. Also, worse things tend to happen in the wee hours, because that is when kids’ self-control is weaker and their judgment poorer. Put phones to bed elsewhere in your home.
3: Cut out social media. The former U.S. surgeon general likened social media to unsafe cars, planes and food, saying there’s inadequate evidence to determine its safety for kids. If your under-16 child is already using TikTok, Instagram or Snapchat, you should tell them it’s no longer allowed. Yes, it’s frustrating and inconvenient, and there will be resistance, but it’s a safety issue. Profiles can be deactivated and deleted. New modes of communication can be established with friend groups that don’t rely on algorithmic social media. (If you need support, check out the 5D Method proposed by Appstinence.org.)
4: Be choosy. Not all screen time is created equal. An example of “good” screen time is family movie night, which tells a long story with character development, watched on a large screen in the company of others. “Bad” screen time is short, fragmented videos with no moral message, watched in isolation on a handheld device, such as YouTube shorts or TikTok reels. The latter is more likely to cause tantrums, as young brains cannot comprehend why such pleasurable stimulation must come to an end, and it tends to disrupt sleep quality.
5: Have screen-free car rides. Looking out the window orients a child geographically, which will make you more inclined to give them real-world independence, a proven cure for anxiety. (It’ll make them a better driver someday, too.) Furthermore, it creates opportunities for conversation. There’s something about the warm intimacy of nighttime drives, where neither person has to make eye contact, that encourages teens to open up. Plus, experts say it takes seven minutes for a conversation to “go deep” – and the great tragedy of our time is that everyone has an escape hatch in the form of a phone that deters conversations from moving past that critical mark. Don’t deprive yourself of that.
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6: Fill the void. When screens cease to be a child’s primary form of entertainment, you must give them other things to do. Try to see the environment through their eyes. Are there physical toys, games, books, puzzles, craft supplies, baking ingredients, sporting gear and musical instruments to entertain them? It means more mess, chaos and noise, but kids are embodied creatures who are not meant to be sedentary or inactive.
7: Set a good example. As parents, we are always modelling. Children learn more from our actions than our words. We must ask ourselves: Do we go outside, read books, exercise, get enough sleep, pursue offline hobbies? Do we exhibit self-restraint online? Do we prioritize in-person interactions over virtual ones? I like the 4T rule: No talking, texting, tapping on a phone, or TV when others are present.
It’s never too late to re-evaluate tech’s role in your family’s life and to reject whatever fails to add value. It’s an imperfect process, and we learn as we go along, but every effort makes a difference – and it might just be the best gift you ever give your child.
Katherine Johnson Martinko is a Canadian writer and the author of the 2023 book Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance. She writes about digital minimalism, parenting and technology in her e-mail newsletter, The Analog Family.