In the glory days of their early 20s, Marla and one of her best girlfriends partied together, travelled together and shopped together.
Now, despite living neighbourhoods apart, the 42-year-old Toronto women rarely see each other face to face.
Twenty years can change the strongest of bonds, Marla says.
But she blames another culprit for eroding their friendship: money.
"It began when she started renting limousines for her birthday," says the mother of two, who declined to share her surname in an effort to protect the friendship.
"She started making more and more money and I failed to keep pace. … We don't talk about it. I've never discussed it with her at all."
As Canadians vow to commit to tighter budgets in the new year, income inequalities between friends can lurch into the limelight.
The wake of the recession is an ideal time to stare down financial strains in a friendship, says Hilary Black, editor of the essay collection The Secret Currency of Love: The Unabashed Truth About Women, Money and Relationships .
"Money is a really insidious force between friends on many, many different levels," she says. "[Now]it's acceptable to confess to your friends your money woes because so many people are questioning their lifestyle. The path to honesty isn't as awkward as it's been in the past."
But just because the recession has granted permission to be candid, addressing money's tense grip on a friendship can unearth even more anxieties, says Olivia Mellan, a Washington-based psychotherapist who coaches people on money and relationship issues.
"There might be more jealousy that comes up on the surface from this being dealt with," she says. "But ultimately, it's always a good thing to have good, loving, respectful, empathetic communication between friends. I think it [could create]a more authentic connection."
To create that more authentic connection, candour is key, Ms. Mellan says. "It's important to say 'I'm trying to conserve my resources right now, and when we go out, for my benefit, we need to eat in less expensive places,'" she says. "Or say 'I'd rather have a potluck or picnic.' Straight out, say what's happening."
When the troubles aren't talked through, resentment can fester and friends might become estranged, says Ms. Mellan. The richer friend might feel obligated to dive for the cheque or worry their pal thinks they secretly have a holier-than-thou attitude. The poorer friend may feel "a degree of shame" or disregarded if the moneyed friend doesn't consider their penniless purse, she says.
Marla, for one, noticed that her wealthier friend stopped inviting her out, presumably because she'd rejected so many previous invitations.
"I think she didn't want me to feel [put]on the spot," she says. "I would have eventually said, 'Please don't ask me.'"
But there are ways to smooth the tensions without having that heart to heart.
The rules of decorum can offer a simple road map, says Margaret Page, an etiquette consultant in Vancouver. "You shouldn't extend an invitation unless you're prepared to pay."
Women are notorious for sizing one another up when the restaurant bill lands on the table, she notes. "In a smaller group, just pick up the tab and next time somebody else can. Do that especially if you've initiated it."
The next time it's your turn to plan the outing, pick a lower-budget restaurant (or hotel or shopping mall) that's funky and interesting or has another appealing quality.
"It's not always about the dollar value, it's about the experience," she says.
The financially fit pal who still wants to see their friend can erase confusion by announcing they will pay, she adds. But they shouldn't treat too often, as it could make the other person feel like a charity case. "Make it known that it's a treat. You can just say it in a very lighthearted way."
Politely suggesting a cheaper alternative to that pricey wine they want to order could be another way to smooth the tension, says Bella DePaulo, author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized and Ignored and Still Live Happily Ever After and visiting professor of psychology at the University of California. Single people often encounter income inequalities with coupled friends in their social circle, she says. "They may even have the misperception that single people have more money than they do," she writes in an e-mail. "They are not realizing that there is no second income covering household expenses."
Despite their rare encounters in person, Marla and her friend still speak frequently on the phone. And for now, she says, that's enough.
"Maybe I should work harder to set it up and say I want to start a policy where we go for coffee once a month and we take turns," she says. "But you don't talk about stuff in such an upfront way with someone you know so well, so we just don't really hang out any more."