Illustration by Alex Siklos
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After 1,500 days as a middle-aged nomad – that’s four years, one month and eight days – the word I’m called most is brave.
I am a 61-year-old divorced woman who gave up her home and belongings; left behind her adult children, friends and family; and said, “I’m going to travel the world and I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
The usual reply I receive after hearing my story is: “I could never do that.”
Living out of a suitcase, not knowing where I’m going next, often not until a few days before I’m due to move on, is not for most people. But this was – and is – my plan.
In fact, my only plan is to go where I want and when (adhering to travel laws and restrictions) and let my heart and soul lead the way.
I feel into where I want to go next and await a reply, which is rarely where I thought I should go, yet I’m always delighted I did. Like when I’d planned to spend three months in Portugal, yet after two, my heart nudged me on. “Ireland,” my soul said.
From Dublin to Clifden, Galway to Killarney, I was happy exploring on my own, yet I began to wonder if I’d meet a man on my travels. My soul quickly served up two! The first was staying at the same B&B. We swapped journey stories over morning coffee and pizza on his final night in town. Then, a last-minute soul-nudge led me to the Aran Islands, where I joined a local bus tour. “Room for one more,” the driver said, and man No. 2 stepped aboard. Chatting as we took in the sights, it turned out he lived in Waterford. I was heading there, too.
The heart knows what it wants, and I’ve learned to trust it, because I’ve also learned it’s the clearest and quickest path to joy.
This no-plan way of life feels odd, even scary, for most people. Because most people need a plan – or so they think.
I get it. That’s what I used to think, too.
As a stay-at-home mom, Family Planner and Organizer topped the job description. There were countless meals, activities, school events, sporting practices and games to plan around. I was so good at planning that my first foray into self-employment was to become a professional organizer.
I used to say, “I love to be spontaneous, but only if it’s my idea.”
Even spontaneity had to be planned – and by me, and preferably a few weeks out. I mean, what might I need? What do I pack? Is there a restaurant nearby? Washrooms? How many people are involved? What about the weather?
So travelling solo and leaving all the planning up to my heart and soul was a big shift.
It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Letting go of control is freeing. Learning to trust your intuition and inner guidance is life-changing. Everything falls into place much faster.
While visiting 21 different countries and calling 196 cities, towns or villages home for anywhere from one night to seven weeks may not be for everyone; for me, it’s been the fulfillment of a 35-year dream.
Thirty-five years of wishing and yearning led me to doubt it would happen. I began to resent the reasons and people I believed held me back, while secretly fearing I’d never have the courage to do it.
Step by step (loads of baby steps, mind you), I did the inner work and created ways to support my vision. I started a business that could travel with me and began to practise my new work/travel life for one month each spring and fall. I became more confident travelling alone, eating alone, exploring alone and being me – alone.
My first trip to Italy was right after my husband and I separated. I was going for five weeks. My friend, Lisa, joined me for the first two, after which I would ease my way into solo travel in a foreign country by attending a two-week pottery course. Then I’d have a week on my own. On the day Lisa and I parted in Rome, it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I suddenly felt like a small, insignificant speck in a great big world. I knew no one here, and no one, anywhere, would know where I was.
This was full immersion into life as a single woman after 25 years as a wife and 23 years as a mom, never having lived more than an hour’s drive from where I was born.
I spent the next six years unlearning who I thought I was and embracing who I really am: Someone who loves herself enough to trust her heart and follow her joy.
The most common question I’m asked is, “Of all the places you’ve been, what’s your favourite?”
My answer is always the same: “All of them. Because everywhere I’ve been is where my heart wants me to be. Until it’s time to move on.”
Home really is where your heart is.
Carolin Rathbun lives in Bracebridge, Ont. (for now).