Illustration by Alex Siklos
First Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines at tgam.ca/essayguide.
I learned a lot in high school but not always what the teachers thought I was learning. Here’s what I remember best:
1. I learned that hair can grow bountifully on the surface of my Grade 9 science teacher’s nose and not seem to affect his overall cheeriness.
2. I learned that failing a question on a Grade 9 science exam about how to keep celery crisp seemed lame. Not the failing of it, but the asking of it. Fourteen-year-olds don’t care about celery or its crispness. They just eat it with Cheez Whiz. I still wonder what the correct answer was as ever since I have had a hard time keeping my celery crisp. Do you know?
3. I learned that my 1977 Grade 9 math class was the first to be able to use a calculator in the history of the school and yet still I did poorly in math (although I had fleeting moments of fun with the new machine).
4. I learned that it is possible to sit beside someone who is your friend in every way, but somehow they get a very high mark in your first Grade 9 geography exam and you get a failing grade.
5. I learned that Grade 9 geography teachers are sweet and kind and will bend over backward to have you stay after class so that the next exam you write you will pass with 54 per cent and a big YOU PASSED written in red marker on it with lots of exclamation points. And you will forever be touched by their kindness.
6. I learned that the boy who normally sat beside you in your Grade 9 history class and then one day wasn’t there wasn’t just on vacation. He died from a freak hockey puck accident. That will haunt you for a long while.
7. I learned that artistically cutting and pasting a magazine article on lobster fishing on the East Coast (work that came so naturally) could get you high marks in Grade 10 geography, but “visual projects” like this happened only once. And you were doomed to fail.
8. I learned that maps are terrifying.
9. I learned to never let anyone in English class ever know that you liked to read.
10. I learned that an elbow injury that stemmed from bashing your elbow into the little bit of metal that stuck out of your locker when the door was open was enough to make you pass out, but luckily you didn’t.
What happened to regular, old-style birthday parties?
11. I learned that at track meets, hurdles were dangerous things and meant to cause broken arms in smallish 14-year-old girls, especially me.
12. I learned that cheerleading was a decent alternative to modern dance when modern dance was just a dream and your school didn’t even know it existed.
13. I learned that even if you couldn’t make the regular cheerleading or gymnastic team the coaches would make a special “B” team so that you could participate in the Christmas gymnastic routine. And that was kind of them.
14. I learned that cheerleaders are not interested in those cute short socks with the little pompoms stitched to the ankle and prefer pantyhose, much to your disgust.
15. I learned that having to wear pantyhose instead of short socks with pompoms was enough to make you quit the B team.
16. I learned that the First and Second World Wars are quite interesting if only you weren’t weighed down with memorizing dates and the words “triple entente.”
17. I learned that having asthma was a good excuse for getting out of running endlessly around a soccer field.
18. I learned that lovely young art teachers who give you hard-cover sketch books and little boxes of watercolours will give you reason enough to not give up on hope or on high school altogether.
19. I learned that it is never good when a student in your class is called to the office over the PA system because it’s not usually good news.
20. I learned that there are more thoughtful ways of telling a boy that his brother died then by calling him to the office on the PA system.
The baby bird I brought home as a child taught me lasting lessons
21. I learned that wearing vintage army shorts (and boy’s trousers with original suspenders attached with little buttons, and other weird clothes) did not go over well with the general student population. But I also learned it didn’t matter as it was the only way I could express myself.
22. I learned that I loved vintage clothing.
23. I learned that writing my Grade 13 kinesiology exam would give me bad dreams for the rest of my life.
24. I learned that by not going to my Grade 13 commencement I would spend the rest of my life wondering if I actually passed Grade 13 even if I didn’t actually need to pass as art college required only a Grade 12.
25. I learned that wearing vintage clothes and being weird and rebelling about almost everything in high school is thankfully what helped me to get into art college.
And thank God for that.
Michele Karch-Ackerman lives in Buckhorn, Ont.