Theo Fleury says that when you’re 5 foot 6 and 165 pounds and the average hockey player is more like 6 feet, 200, you’re going to have to figure out how to find space for yourself on the ice.Rachel Idzerda/The Globe and Mail
In his book Conversations With A Rattlesnake, former NHL star Theo Fleury talks about his history of emotional trauma due to abuse by his former hockey coach, and the addictions he used to cope. Sober for almost 10 years now, the Olympic gold medalist says that one of the great joys of his own recovery is how much he is able to help other people (which is why the new book includes insights from a co-author, his therapist). Here, Fleury shares some of the secrets to his hard-won success, including why Wayne Gretzky was great before he even laced up.
Small and scrappy wins the race
When you're 5 foot 6 and 165 pounds and the average hockey player is more like 6 feet, 200, you're going to have to figure out how to find space for yourself on the ice. I may have 10 times more skill than that big guy, but I need to make room in order to be effective. As a result I played a totally psychological game out there. I wasn't really afraid of anything, which helped in terms of intimidation. There was a certain unpredictability to my game: The guys I was up against didn't know if I was going to kiss them or cut their eye out with my stick. That was always the way I had been ever since I was a kid in school. Once you're small, you're always small. The key is that you have to learn how to groove in your own environment.
Good deeds are like boomerangs
When I wrote Playing With Fire [Fleury's 2006 memoir in which he revealed his experience of sexual abuse as well as his difficult childhood and addiction issues], I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew I wanted to, and even needed to, tell the truth for myself, but at that point I didn't realize that I was telling my story for other people as well. One third of Canadians experience some form of trauma in their lives, and being in a position to help these people gives me such a sense of purpose. My motto today is "helping is healing." Every day I look for an opportunity to help somebody else, which is, among other things, a great way to just get out of your own head for a bit. It's also science: When you help other people your brain chemistry changes – it's a positive neurochemical reaction. I try to be generous with my time. I recently gave a talk at a prison, which was extremely gratifying. I support the causes and organizations that I care about. It's a win/win proposition: the more people I help, the better my life gets.
Legends are born off the ice
I was lucky to play with some of the greatest hockey players in the history of the sport: Gretzky, Messier, Lemieux. It's funny because when I think about the most valuable things I learned from those guys, it wasn't about their skill on the ice, though of course there was that, too. I remember noticing how the great guys treated their parents – with so much respect and love. The relationship between Wayne and Walter Gretzky is a perfect example of this. The other thing I learned was about leadership, and that you don't ask someone to do something you're not willing to do yourself. You need to walk the walk. So often with our politicians we just hear talk, talk, talk. Guys like Gretzky wouldn't necessarily say much, but when they did, people listened. Maybe that's why.
This interview was condensed and edited by Courtney Shea.