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As a lover of print, graphic design and Canada Post home delivery, I was an early adopter of the customized photo card.
While I don’t fancy the Christmas letter that chronicles the year’s activities, I do like sending something in the mail to friends and family, especially those who are overseas, or whom we just don’t get to see as often as we’d like.
Our card is usually a series of photos of our three kids, sometimes from a trip or family adventure, always with the hope of showing a little of each of their personalities. This year our card had four photos, black-and-white on ivory letterpress paper. I ordered in October, giving myself lots of time to write a personal note on each card.
So, when two boxes arrived on my doorstep a few weeks later, well within the promised shipping time, I was quite excited. I gingerly slit open the first box. Nestled inside were 250 ivory cocktail napkins, beautifully inscribed with “Ashley & Bobby, January 5, 2016.” And in the second, 75 bridal-shower thank-you notes, same inscription. Return address: Austin, Texas.
There are problems, and there are problems. At least both Ashley and I had ordered early.
I chuckled to myself, surrounded by the hockey sticks, dance bags, mismatched mittens and other detritus of family life, and let my thoughts wander.
My husband and I were married almost 15 years ago, on a perfect spring day – cool with the memory of winter but sunny with promise. Mass, dinner, dancing, the whole thing – for about the same number of guests as for Ashley & Bobby’s big day.
Sitting in my front hall, I was surprised to feel that mixture of excitement and nervousness come rushing back to me. Or perhaps I was having sympathetic anxiety for Ashley and her missing napkins. All the little details transform even the most rational of women – the seemingly important decisions, the food, the flowers, the singer who gets laryngitis on the morning of. … Yes, those decisions are tiny in the grand scheme of making a life together.
But the napkins reminded me specifically of the party. Looking back, I can see now how that cheesy first dance is actually a good metaphor for married life – the bond between you and your betrothed is what matters most, but don’t underestimate the importance of support from friends and family. Because of the people we share our life with, marriage is all the better. We are happy with each other, but we are happier because we have friends and family: the ones who were there at our wedding, the ones we see at school during pickup, the ones with whom we celebrate birthdays and holidays, the ones we can count on for support.
I resisted the urge to cross-reference our wedding-guest list with the holiday-card list. What would be the point? Not everybody sticks around – sometimes because of circumstance, geography or forces beyond our control.
We were fortunate enough to be married with three grandparents present, and one living in New Zealand whom we visited on our honeymoon. We have since lost all but one, as well as several of our parents’ friends and one of our own – married just before we were – unfairly taken from this life far too soon.
But we’ve also gained three children of our own, two nieces, twin boys close enough to call us Uncle and Aunt and a few godchildren.
Add to that list the many new friends we’ve made through schools and workplaces, families we’ve vacationed with whose children match up perfectly with our own and the great group that inhabits the supportive neighbourhood in which we were lucky to land a few years ago.
Ours is a lucky, well-supported life together. After a head injury stopped me from working, driving or looking after my children for several months last winter, help from my husband, friends and family was the single biggest contributor to the speed of my recovery. We need each other.
Ashley, the printing company said they would wait a few days to hear from you before ordering a reprint for me. And if you and Bobby decide to use photos of my children as your bonbonnières, that’s okay with me. I hope your guests are impressed by your efficiency.
As for me, I tried to get your napkins to Texas, I really did. But despite a call to the printer and two subsequent calls to FedEx, they remained on my front porch for a whole week until I finally brought them back in. Why waste perfectly good two-ply? We’ll use them. But it will take a long time for our family of five to get through the pile, even if I do use them in the kids’ lunches.
Maybe we should have a party.
Jennifer Bizzarri lives in Toronto.