It was McChrystal clear in the first exchange of dialogue.
In the now-famous Rolling Stone article that forced his resignation, the four-star general was sitting in a four-star suite at the Hotel Westminster in Paris, surrounded by his movable feast of an operation - swearing staff, snaking cables, thrumming satellite dishes - when he displayed what can only be described as underling behaviour, a throwback to family life, typical of any work environment.
Complaining about a dinner he had to attend to help sell his Afghan war strategy, Stanley McChrystal was told by Col. Charlie Flynn, his chief of staff, that such social obligations came with being commander of all U.S and NATO forces in Afghanistan, a position President Obama had given him last year when he ordered 21,000 more troops to Kabul.
"Hey, Charlie," he shot back, swiveling in his chair, "does this come with the position?" The general then offered his middle finger as an expression of his feelings.
Some of the attitude is expected, of course: It's classic military cockiness. But when he and his team started dissing President Obama's administration, including Vice-President Joe Biden; Richard Holbrooke, special representative to Afghanistan; Jim Jones, national-security adviser; and U.S. Ambassador Karl Eikenberry - not to mention the Commander-in-Chief himself - it was obvious that the problem wasn't so much a military one as an issue of management and staff, seen across Cubicle-and-Corner-Office Land.
Who hasn't sat in a bar, as Gen. McChrystal and his team did one night in Paris, and complained about the higher-ups, their personalities, their habits, their judgment? Granted, not many people will shoot off at the mouth in front of a reporter. If Gen. McChrystal was guilty of anything, it was of stupidity. Maybe his communications director, who gave the reporter access (and later resigned), thought it would be cool to let a hip magazine capture the mysterious, edgy culture of the military, a sort of behind-the-scenes on-the-road piece just like they do with rock bands. You can almost hear the pitch: "Let's put a human face on the military command."
Well, it turned out to be very human.
In fact, as it often does, work issues turn out to be family dynamics all over again.
We often end up where we began. You have a boss who basically makes your lifestyle possible by agreeing to your employment and a paycheque. Which is not very far off from what it felt like at 15 to have parents who reminded you that even though you were growing up with ideas of your own, you had to answer to the rules, do what you're told, meet expectations, because they're the ones paying the bills, don't forget, this is their house and if you don't like it, well then, you can leave. There's the door.
Once, early on in my first career, advertising, my boss (a female) and I had an exchange that was eerily resonant of a mother-daughter dynamic. At a presentation of work that was mine, she took the floor without giving me much chance to speak. Later, I told her how I felt: that it wasn't fair, and I was being treated like a kid, as though everything I did was really just a reflection of her. And then, stupidly, I cried.
A few hours later, she came to my desk to discuss some other project. Again, I brought up the presentation issue, clearly still upset. With that, she simply said to stop - stop sulking, really - because we had already talked about it.
The idea of the workplace as a second family is not new - many talk about office camaraderie, their work spouse, the shared identity, the support and opportunities they get. But rarely do people discuss the darker shades of family-style dynamics.
Of course, some debate is encouraged in both work and family; even messing up is frequently tolerated. But the worst and completely unacceptable behaviour is talking back in public - which is what Gen. McChrystal and his team essentially did in the pages of Rolling Stone. It was like standing in the middle of your parents' cocktail party and telling them, out loud and to their faces, in front of their best friends, that you think they're clowns.
It's no wonder President Obama summoned Gen. McChrystal to the White House. It was like being called to stand in front of Mom and Dad to answer for your actions. (They never come to you, you'll notice. You come to their territory, even if that's at the foot of Dad's favorite reclining chair.)
And it's no wonder the general is out of a job.
Some people commented that he acted like a true soldier, taking the bullet for the team. Oh no. He acted like a true kid, realizing that Dad was going to kick him out of the house for embarrassing him and that his best bet was to offer his willingness to go, before he was shown the door.