Here comes the bride: Toys 'R' Us registry
It was a lovely outdoor wedding. He wore black, she was draped in white, and following a short ceremony in a gazebo, they clutched hands and ran side-by-side down a ramp.
Happily ever after? Not so much, especially since the wedding took place during recess and the groom was the bride's elementary-school teacher.
According to the Morning Sentinel, it all started when a lovelorn fourth-grader proposed to her teacher during class at Plummer-Motz School in Falmouth, Me. Teacher Paul Rosenblum eventually said yes after succumbing to the powerful force that is nine-year-old persuasion.
The impending nuptials were "much discussed" before it was decided the couple would marry during lunch break on the second-last day of class. Mr. Rosenblum wore a black graduation cape and oversized clown tie, while the beaming mini-bride draped herself in a sheet. There was no kiss.
The school was alerted to the May-December faux-mance after receiving angry phone calls from parents. Mr. Rosenblum has since publicly apologized and discovered a newfound appreciation for the maxim "hindsight is 20-20."
"The fact that an adult would consent to 'marry' one of his students, however light the intended context, shows a serious lapse in judgment," he wrote in a letter of apology. "To say that I am remorseful is true, but trite and hollow sounding. Sick with regret comes closer to the mark."
What's that noise? Always knock first
"Instead of asking what was going on, they assumed and took matters into their own hands … Now they have to learn a lesson." - A 34-year-old Connecticut mother after an awkward misunderstanding results in her boyfriend getting beaten up by her teenaged daughter and her friends, Associated Press reports. The 16-year-old girl became alarmed after hearing sounds of slapping and screaming from her mother's room and phoned friends to help. The group of teenagers burst into the bedroom and before explanations could be sputtered, proceeded to punch and beat the boyfriend with a bat. As it turns out, the couple wasn't fighting, they were having sex, and the screams were sounds of rapture, not domestic abuse. Some teens have been charged with assault and conspiracy. Needless to say, the pair will likely be sleeping over at his house from now on.
A little too good at hide-and-seek
A frantic, hour-long search for a missing toddler in Pennsylvania ended happily when it turned out the girl was just extremely gifted at hide-and-seek.
Two-year-old Natalie Jasmer was playing the game with her siblings on Tuesday when the family realized she'd been missing for far too long, Associated Press reports.
The girl's worried parents called authorities and emergency crews were quickly dispatched, with police and firemen combing the streets for about an hour.
But in the end, it was the family dog, Cooper, who found the elusive tot. After obviously growing bored with her own hide-and-seek superiority, little Natalie had fallen asleep in a drawer below the family's washing machine.
Sadly, that's the last time she'll be able to demonstrate her sensational hiding abilities; the game has since been banned in the Jasmer household.