You knew this week's Liberal leadership "debate" was down there with an Andy Warhol movie on the excitement metre when candidate Mike de Jong quipped, toward the end: "Things are starting to spice up. I even saw the chartered accountants wake up."
Mr. de Jong's comment at the B.C. Chamber of Commerce's "future premiership leadership panel" was prompted by something as rare as a mention of the environment in this gruelling campaign - actual verbal jousting.
When Gorgeous George Abbott criticized Perky Christy Clark's suggestion that the fate of the HST be decided by the legislature, rather than referendum, Ms. Clark retorted: "George, in your riding, 20,000 people signed the [anti-HST]petition, and that's more than voted for you." Ouch.
Of course, it was also 20,000 more votes than Ms. Clark received in the last election, which she spent honing her considerable radio skills at CKNW, and it remains unclear why the hot-liner-on-leave thinks a legislative vote is a good idea.
She has been squirming to explain, ever since making the proposal on Day 1 of her campaign.
It has now been refined, I think, to this: If it looks like the HST will be approved by the voters, let them decide; if it still seems doomed, kill the tax in the legislature and skip the referendum.
In other words, to paraphrase Mackenzie King, or perhaps his mother: a referendum if necessary, but not necessarily a referendum. Mind you, waffling like that never hurt Mr. King, the longest serving prime minister who talked to the dead in the history of the British Commonwealth.
But judge for yourself. Ms. Clark's circuitous explanation is available on YouTube. I believe I am safe in saying that the clip has not gone viral.
Ms. Clark's views have also shifted on the pending vote itself.
In December, she said: "Today's reality is that the HST referendum would fail." On Tuesday, when candidates were asked whether they believed the HST referendum was winnable, Ms. Clark replied: "Yes." But Ms. Clark, if the vote is winnable, then why are you also suggesting ... oh, never mind. Ah, the positions one adopts on the campaign trail.
Yet all was not murk. Not even George Abbott took issue with this statement from the smooth-talking, former minister of education. "Harry Lali is not going to be [the NDP's]leader in the next election," Ms. Clark prophesized.
Some honourable candidates: Laughter.
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If there were members of the sex and sadomasochist club on hand for the Liberal bunfest, they must have been disappointed.
After noting not enough babies are being made in B.C., Mike de Jong observed: "But if you think I'm going to talk about that, you're at the wrong meeting."
Then Kevin Falcon told them: "We don't need to spend time flogging ourselves about the past."
Oh, well.
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Glub glub. For all you landlubbers out there, that's the call of the wild salmon, a mouthing of its appreciation of the NDP for braving its own shark-infested waters to support the salmon as B.C.'s "official fish."
And I thought we already had an official fish. You know, the Kokanee, which fuels at least a thousand lips every day in the province's many bars.
Anyway, with so much turmoil and internal strife going on, it's nice to know the NDP can rally around something, even if it's just a fish. The so-called Baker's Dozen of dissidents did hold out briefly for the Cutthroat Trout. But in the interests of party unity and their own leadership campaigns, they also set aside early support for the carp and the largemouth bass, before settling on salmon.
Of course, that's not the end of it, and I'm not talking about wags who wonder whether the NDP is as endangered a species as the wild salmon and may need a commission of inquiry into its disappearance, too. Nor whether the salmon's remarkable life cycle, breathing its last after four years of swimming about, is a metaphor for the party itself.
I'm wondering which species of salmon the NDP most embraces. Surely, not the chum. Not many of those left in caucus these days. And nix to the sockeye, as well. A little too provocative should tempers fray over leadership ballot boxes. Pink? Nope. Too ideological. Coho? No no. It's the most endangered salmon of all.
That leaves the chinook, clearly the best choice for the NDP. A warm wind to melt all those frosty relations is exactly what the party needs.
I think this item has gone on long enough.
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Now for B.C.'s official quadruped. I hear Kash Heed has nominated "the stallion."