If you thought that surreal overtime goal by Kevin (Bounce Bounce Dribble) Bieksa was right out of Oz-land, how about the HST howitzer launched Wednesday by Jeff Tambellini's biggest fan, Christy (Jersey Girl) Clark? Think Twilight Zone.
Near as I can figure out, the government is saying: If you want to be better off, vote to keep the more expensive HST, which, right now, is costing B.C. families, on average, an extra $350 a year. But if you want to be worse off, vote to kill the HST and return to those cheaper, thrilling years of yesteryear, with a separate provincial and federal sales tax.
The bizarre scenario arises because of the government's promise, if the HST is kept, to send out money to many British Columbians (not me, alas), and then to cut the rate - next year to 11 per cent, and ultimately to 10 per cent, a long three years from now, on Canada Day. Until those cuts happen, however, British Columbians will be paying the full shot of 12 per cent.
There's more strangeness. That reduction of two percentage points is exactly what Finance Minister Kevin Falcon proposed during his unsuccessful run for the Liberal leadership. For this, he was roundly criticized by Ms. Clark. Now, she loves the idea.
The nuttiness goes on. How to make up that lost HST revenue? Why, by dinging the corporate sector, of course. When NDP Leader Adrian Dix called for the same thing, he was labelled some sort of class warrior. Now, the business types are all for it.
Just on Tuesday, I heard Laura Jones of the Canadian Federation of Independent Business bemoaning on CBC Radio that small business owners were being taxed to death. A day later, Ms. Jones applauded the Clark government's decision to increase the corporate tax rate and roll back a reduction in the small business tax. "It's the spoonful of sugar that is going to help the HST go down. This is probably the best possible news that we could hope for."
All of which leaves voters adrift in some sort of shadowy fifth dimension, as they try to decide how to cast their mail-in ballots on the HST. You want what's best, but, given the wealth of topsy-turvy positions, claims, counter-claims and imponderable statistics, what exactly is that? Save now and pay later, pay now and save later, or move to Medicine Hat, where there's no sales tax at all?
The Serling-inspired anthem of B.C. politics: Do do do do. Do do do do.
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Despite the biggest grin a Swede can muster, Canucks captain Henrik Sedin stuck with superstition on that wondrous Tuesday night and didn't lay a hand on the conference championship trophy known as the Campbell Bowl, lest he jinx the team ahead of the Stanley Cup.
Henrik is not the first in town to shun a Campbell, however. Our current Premier has been doing the same thing for months, lest she jinx her team, too. In fact, that Gordon Campbell Legacy trophy is likely to remain far out of sight, hidden in the nether reaches of Christy Clark's basement for many moons yet, as long as there's still an election to be won.
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Thank you, Jack Layton. We now have a federal fisheries critic silly people like me can love. Take a bow, Fin Donnelly. A better name for someone to spearhead the fight to save the salmon and other creatures who failed to crawl out of the sea is not to be imagined.
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I love Modern Art as much as the next Canucks fan. And condo king Bob Rennie is a smart, energetic and incredibly successful guy, who has accomplished much for this city, not the least of which is his multimillion-dollar renovation of the historic Wing Sang building in Chinatown.
The millions he spends on his astonishing, private collection of contemporary art, when he could waste the money on bowling or something, is also admirable.
But … but … sorry Bob … was I the only rube out there who failed to suppress a giggle at Work No. 329, a floor covering of nearly 3,000 pink balloons, which forms part of Mr. Rennie's current show?
The artist, Martin Creed, well-known since winning the esteemed Turner Prize in 2001 for a light flickering off and on in an empty room, says the balloons are fraught with meaning.
And I quote. "If you think the world's a messy, crazy place, then it seems to me like the sculpture ought also to be messy and crazy," Mr. Creed told The Globe and Mail's Marsha Lederman.
"The idea of this sculpture is, it takes the shape not only of the room, but of the people in the room. And it moves around with the people. So it's basically like the world in that way." Oh.
Maybe I should have put a frame around one of my messy, crazy birthday parties as a kid, and called it Balloons and Hot Dogs: Play No. 10. I might be rich.
Sometimes, a balloon is just a balloon.