It has been 29 years since the Beastie Boys reminded us all that our right to party does not come without considerable effort, and almost as long since Vancouver has held a city-sanctioned, honest-to-goodness New Year's Eve event.
But that is about to change – or so the city says. (I hesitate here because the city said the same thing last year and then bailed because of a lack of time and money.) But council voted this week to put $125,000 toward a free, public New Year's Eve party – or, as the report to council puts it, "a safe, barrier-free celebratory experience for Vancouver visitors and residents."
This is not Vancouver letting down its man bun and strutting into the party with its chest out and chin up. This is Vancouver the unpopular and nebbishy teen summoning the courage to walk through the door, praying that no one notices.
The "No Fun City" label that was affixed years ago – undeserved, I would argue – still stings today, and, like a teenager branded a loser, Vancouver has spent the better part of two decades trying to prove that the title is not warranted, but has also looked awkward and slightly lame in the process.
The self-conscious language of the report to council suggests that external forces are at least part of the motivation. "The absence of a signature, free-to-public New Year's Eve event in Vancouver has been a source of much public and media comment," the report says.
It continues: "Wintertime outdoor festivals are a challenge and a risk. Sponsors are reluctant to support such weather-sensitive endeavours, as the return on their investment is dependent on the exposure they get to the attending crowds."
Then there's this: "The New Year's Eve Celebration Society, which has representatives from the Convention Centre, Tourism Vancouver, Port Metro, Starbucks and the Downtown Vancouver Business Improvement Association on its board of directors, has taken considerable steps to create an investment-attractive and sustainable product."
I expect reports to council to be dense and bureaucratic to the point of being impenetrable, but really? "An investment-attractive and sustainable product?" Sign me up.
Like the frat boys who shouted along to the Beasties' Fight For Your Right, the city has failed to see the irony in its own words.
If the report's intent is to lower our expectations, then job well done.
The city's general manager of engineering services, Jerry Dobrovolny, did nothing to inflate those expectations when he answered questions from council on the issue. "Weather permitting, we'll see some good crowds. We're hoping this will establish a wintertime tourism presence," he told council.
Vancouver's $125,000 contribution to the estimated $400,000 cost of the event will come from the city's surplus – money that the report says is being "reprioritized."
That prompted Vision Vancouver Councillor Kerry Jang to ask whether the money might be better spent elsewhere, and offer comments that sounded not at all fun. "Somehow a New Year's Eve celebration doesn't seem to me to be very important compared to the issues we have facing us, particularly in areas like the Downtown Eastside and other places where those with mental illness and addictions are – what? – being short-shrifted $125,000 for a party."
His mild protest was likely politically motivated: It was Non-Partisan Association Councillor George Affleck who brought the motion to council in 2013. In the end, Mr. Jang voted in favour of the party.
Mr. Affleck said his original motion was pragmatic and not political in nature. "It was based on my experience with my family, living downtown and walking out on New Year's Eve and looking for something to do with the kids and nothing was happening, but there sure were a lot of people downtown waiting for something to happen."
So the density of the report aside – the no-fun nature of the thing and the modest expectations contained within – Vancouver is going to have a New Year's Eve party this year.
We can only hope that it's the safe and barrier-free, investment-attractive and sustainable celebratory experience product we've all been waiting for.
Stephen Quinn is the host of On the Coast on CBC Radio One, 88.1 FM and 690 AM in Vancouver.