Prime Minister Mark Carney meets with U.S. President Donald Trump in the Oval Office of the White House, in Washington, on May 6.Evan Vucci/The Canadian Press
There’s a philosophy of contemporary toddler-parenting that holds that parents should strive to distinguish between behaviours that are harmful or dangerous, and those that are merely annoying. Dumping all your toys on the floor? Annoying. Throwing your toys? Harmful. Mashing food with your fork? Annoying. Mashing your hand with your fork? Dangerous. Parents are instructed to intervene when actions could cause real harm, but to mostly let the other stuff go.
The intention here is twofold: one, for parents, to preserve their sanity (it’s liberating to realize you don’t have to take up every battle) and two, for toddlers, to encourage their creative expression. So your toddler wants to make a mess of their dinner? So what. Let them do their thing, and get them to help clean up the mess afterward. Otherwise, every meal turns into a tantrum.
I have no insight as to whether Prime Minister Mark Carney follows “@biglittlefeelings” or similar influencer parenting accounts on Instagram. But his conduct during his first public-facing meeting with U.S. President Donald Trump at the White House on Tuesday followed precisely what is prescribed by such accounts for dealing with highly irrational, emotionally volatile individuals who frequently test limits and insist on doing everything themselves: two-year-olds, in other words, or on rare occasions, American presidents.
Mr. Carney spoke up when the President mused about Canada becoming the 51st state; you cannot let the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth talk openly about absorbing a sovereign nation any more than you can let a toddler try to cut her doll’s hair with nail clippers. It’s too dangerous. But you try to speak their language in order to soften your intervention. “As you know from real estate, there are some places that are never for sale,” Mr. Carney said to Mr. Trump. This is the geopolitical equivalent of saying, “Yes, it’s fun to play hair-salon, but those clippers might give you or your doll a boo-boo.”
Mr. Carney continued: “Having met with the owners of Canada over the course of the campaign, over the last several months, it’s not for sale, it won’t be for sale – ever.” And before Mr. Trump’s face could turn red, Mr. Carney redirected the conversation; he noted Canada’s investment in strengthening its border security, its commitment to its partnership with the U.S., and he ended with a little flattery: “And I’ll say this as well, that the President has revitalized international security, revitalized NATO and us playing our full weight in NATO.” You made your doll look so pretty with all that marker on her face.
Beyond that, the 30-minute dialogue was mostly an exercise in the Prime Minister biting his tongue. Mr. Carney didn’t correct Mr. Trump when he said that Canadians are “paying a tariff on cars and steel and aluminum,” though the economist in him was surely suffering a slow death behind his pursed lips. Mr. Carney looked at his lap when Mr. Trump referred to former finance minister Chrystia Freeland – whom he didn’t directly name – as a “terrible person,” and offered only the slightest side nod when Mr. Trump turned to him and said, “You know who I’m talking about.”
When Mr. Trump claimed that, “We don’t do much business with Canada....They do a lot of business with us,” the Prime Minister waited about eight minutes to deliver a gentle fact check, noting that Canada is “the largest client of the United States in the totality of all the goods.” And though Mr. Carney’s body language suggested he wanted to speak up when Mr. Trump claimed that the U.S. is “subsidizing Canada to the tune of maybe $200-billion a year,” the President shut down the event before he had a chance to chime in.
Some might view Mr. Carney’s restraint as a sign of weakness, but challenging Mr. Trump’s every statement would have been a foolish, counterproductive thing to do. Indeed, it was much better for everyone that the Prime Minister picked his battles – interjecting when Mr. Trump said something harmful or dangerous, but letting the annoying stuff go. Otherwise, Canada might be dealing with an awful tantrum right about now.
Though expectations for this meeting were low, Mr. Carney performed just about as well as Canada could’ve hoped for its new Prime Minister. He did exactly what he was elected to do, which is to act as the adult in what is really a very silly – but high-stakes – situation. Mr. Trump seemed pleased by the interaction, and quite taken by Mr. Carney personally. These are good signs for Canada, and good signs for our collective sanity. We just might make it through to the next dinnertime.