More young women today are delaying motherhood or forgoing it altogether.Felipe Dana/The Canadian Press
Debra Soh is a sex neuroscientist and the author of The End of Gender: Debunking the Myths about Sex and Identity in Our Society.
It’s been nearly two centuries since the feminist movement first dawned, yet we still haven’t figured out an optimal way for women to balance their careers and motherhood.
A recent New York Times Opinion video, titled “Motherhood Should Come With a Warning Label,” speaks to the enduring dilemma every career-driven woman in the 21st century faces. The women in the video, all mothers, describe experiencing a “motherhood penalty” after giving birth, including decreased wages, career setbacks and financial struggles.
Progressivism has long told women that they are identical to men and that sex differences are due to social programming; hence, biology is inconsequential and capable of being overridden. Regarding a work-life balance, women can have it all, too.
These narratives have misled the fairer sex in myriad ways. Some who wish to have children can’t because they put off the decision, not realizing that a woman’s biological clock is less forgiving than a man’s. Other women feel trapped and bamboozled by society, and shocked to discover what motherhood consists of.
The hidden health hurdles holding women back at work
The biological demands of parenthood affect the sexes differently, incurring the “motherhood penalty” women pay. Biology may be unfair, but biological denialism is worse, because it impairs a woman’s ability to make informed choices.
If a woman becomes pregnant, she will carry the fetus for nine months. She will be responsible for giving birth, breastfeeding and being the child’s primary caregiver. This process can be taxing on her mind and body, demanding sacrifices in every area of her life, including her career.
Infants demonstrate a preference for their mother, and this is unrelated to the amount of time she spends caring for them. This could be expected, since a fetus hears their mother’s voice, breathing and heartbeat while developing in the womb, bonding to her. Women are also, on average, more empathic, nurturing and sensitive to anticipating a child’s needs.
As a result, a couple may attempt to split caregiving duties equally, but this isn’t possible. Additionally, the time mothers spend caring for their children isn’t typically valued by others. Studies show that wives who are the primary breadwinners in their marriage actually spend more time than their husbands on child care and housework. Even when a man is fully involved as a father, his career is less affected by parenthood. In contrast to the “motherhood penalty,” men experience a “fatherhood premium,” in which their wages increase after a child is born.
Getting married? Consider an ‘invisible labour’ pre-nup
New data suggest that motherhood after one’s late twenties is no longer associated with a pay cut. But these women tend not to benefit from the same new-parent premium that men do, because older mothers usually lessen their working hours instead of increasing them.
This is not to say that women should abandon motherhood in the name of earning potential; nor do I think mothers should shelve their professional ambitions to take up homesteading full-time. As someone who is childless, I’ve noticed both sides of this debate prescribe unhelpful advice to young women: The political left terrifies them with horror stories about misery and financial destitution after having babies, while the right glosses over any downsides because we’re currently knee-deep in a global fertility crisis.
For women seeking to fulfill both roles, it’s not impossible to be at the top of one’s industry as a working mother – many of my colleagues are – but statistically speaking, it’s less common. And of course, working while raising children doesn’t make a woman a bad or neglectful mother.
Raising a child costs approximately $17,000 a year in Canada. And nowadays, many women make more money than their male partners. So even if a woman would rather be a stay-at-home mom, it often isn’t feasible. In turn, more young women are delaying motherhood or forgoing it altogether.
What is the solution? Discussing this subject factually and without judgment so that women can contemplate the trade-offs accurately. No amount of social policy or reprogramming erases biological reality. Neither motherhood nor childlessness foretells suffering, but failing to plan appropriately does.
As with any major life decision, there is the possibility of regret, because you can never know how your life would have turned out had you chosen differently. But women know themselves best. Recognizing this allows them to proceed accordingly.