Children are not simply using technology – they are growing up inside it.Borja Suarez/Reuters
Nikki Martyn is a child development scholar, educator and author of Love Over Algorithms: How to Raise Emotionally Safe Kids in a World of Screens.
When Toy Story debuted in 1995, the toys worried about being replaced by newer toys. Thirty-one years later, Toy Story 5 introduces a very different threat: a tablet. As eight-year-old Bonnie becomes captivated by “Lilypad,” a device designed to keep her engaged, the film taps into one of the defining anxieties of modern childhood: screens.
Every summer, parents face the same quiet dilemma: What happens when school ends, routines loosen, and children suddenly have long stretches of unstructured time? For many families, the answer is screens.
A short show becomes a long scroll. A game becomes a meltdown. Parents respond with timers, rules and guilt. Children need limits, but beneath these daily battles lies a larger problem: We are still asking the wrong question about children and technology.
We have spent years asking how much screen time is too much. But the more important question isn’t how long children spend with technology. It is whether we are helping them develop the skills to live well alongside it.
A timer can end a game, but it cannot teach discernment. Parental controls can block content, but they cannot teach children the inner capacities they need to navigate technology with discernment, boundaries and a strong sense of self.
The better question is: What kind of humans are we helping children become in a world designed to capture their attention?
Children are not simply using technology – they are growing up inside it. Apps, games, platforms and algorithmic systems do not just deliver content. They shape attention. They influence expectations. They reward speed, novelty, comparison and constant engagement. They can make boredom feel unbearable and disconnection feel like failure.
This is a developmental issue. Children’s brains and nervous systems are still learning how to regulate, pause, tolerate frustration, make choices and return to calm after stimulation. When digital environments are designed to keep them watching, playing, clicking or scrolling, children are being asked to do something many adults struggle to do: self-regulate inside systems built to override self-regulation.
That is why our public conversation needs to move beyond screen-time management and toward digital resilience. This doesn’t mean leaving children alone to figure technology out, or abandoning limits or pretending all screen use is the same. It means helping children develop the inner capacities they need to live in a technology-saturated world: self-awareness, emotional regulation, discernment, consent, boundaries, empathy and the ability to return to real-world relationships, play, rest and meaning.
Parents still need practical strategies, especially in the summer when routines loosen and screens quickly fill open time. Predictable routines, screen-free spaces, and thoughtful transitions help children experience technology as one part of life, rather than its centre. When children struggle to stop, adults can respond with calm boundaries and curiosity rather than shame. Children also need to understand that many digital technologies are intentionally designed to make stopping difficult. Understanding persuasive design can shift the conversation from blame to awareness, and lays the foundation for digital discernment.
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Children also need something meaningful waiting for them beyond the screen. Summer offers opportunities for outdoor play, creativity, family connection and unstructured exploration – the experiences that help build a life larger than screens.
Conflict over screens is inevitable; what matters is repair. When parents return after a difficult moment with honesty and compassion, children learn that mistakes do not end relationships. They learn resilience through safety, boundaries and repair, not perfection.
Children do not become resilient because every app is blocked or every minute is measured. They become resilient through repeated experiences of safety, honesty, boundaries, reflection and repair.
Families cannot do this alone. Schools, policy-makers and technology companies all share responsibility for creating digital environments that support children’s development, privacy, dignity and well-being, while ensuring digital literacy includes discernment, emotional regulation and persuasive design.
Digital environments should be designed with children’s development, privacy, dignity and mental health in mind. But inside the everyday reality of family life, parents also need something better than fear or control.
This summer, the goal is not simply less screen time. It is a life bigger than screens – one filled with movement, boredom, creativity, family, rest and play.
Screens are powerful. But so are warm eyes, steady boundaries, shared laughter and the feeling of being safe with the people who love you.
In a world of algorithms, love is still the message children need most.