From left to right: Abolfazl, Musa, Ali, Aqila, and Tamanna Tavakali pose for a photo to celebrate Ali's birthday in 2024.
Aqila Tavakali is a former high school principal in Kabul who now lives in North York, Ont. This piece was written with Mellissa Fung, a journalist and the author of Between Good and Evil: The Stolen Girls of Boko Haram.
When I arrived in Canada in November, 2022, my first feeling was happiness. It wasn’t because I was completely relaxed, but because I had achieved something that felt impossible until it actually happened: I had brought my family to safety from Afghanistan.
Leaving our home was not an easy decision for us. I was the principal of Sayed ul-Shuhada high school for girls in Kabul, and we were happy. But I was afraid after an Islamic State bombing of the school killed more than 80 of our students, and afraid of an uncertain future when the Taliban returned to power. When I think back to August, 2021, when the Taliban took Kabul, fear is what I mostly remember. People were running to the airport, desperate to get out. Some young men even lost their lives trying to hold onto the wheels of a departing airplane to try to escape.
Many Afghans have never forgotten the crimes of the Taliban’s first rule. And while the international community believed that the Taliban had changed, the last four years have proved we were right: nothing changed. Women have been erased from society, and there is no more freedom. The Taliban have banned girls’ education past Grade 6, including at Sayed ul-Shuhada (though boys still attend through high school). It’s very difficult and painful for me to imagine what living under the shadow of the Taliban would have done to me and my family.
So when I first arrived in Canada, I felt a kind of peace, because we had overcome the incredible odds and succeeded in escaping all of that. My first impression of the country was so special: We arrived at night, and on the way from the airport, the city of Toronto shone with its bright lights and tall buildings. It looked so beautiful.
The next day, our sponsors took us outside. The houses were beautiful, just like in the movies. The streets were calm and peaceful. I kept thinking to myself: a country that is developed keeps its people safe.
Still, my mind was full of questions. What will my children learn at school here? Will they be held back? Will we have any problems here because of cultural differences? And what comes next?
We were lucky. The part that seemed impossible was behind us – now we just had to figure out what to do with all the possibility in front of us. But after so much focus on just trying to survive, we faced a new, different challenge, even if it wasn’t as dramatic as our escape: trying to thrive.
When you start over in a new country from zero, there are many challenges. At first, the loneliness was hard, being so far from my friends and family. We had to look for a place to rent, and our agent kept telling us that it would be difficult because we were a big family. That was a culture shock; there are just five of us, and in Afghanistan, we are considered a very small family. Thanks to our sponsors, we eventually found a place we could call home, but it took us a few months.
And even after we did, our landlord was always on our case. They kept asking: why do we always cook so much food? Why do we always have guests? Why is my husband talking so loudly on the phone? (He has a hearing problem.) We’ve since moved to another apartment.
But for me, the hardest part was how the roles changed in our family. It is as if my husband and I have become the children, and our children have become the parents. In Kabul, I was a principal responsible for 7,000 students and 200 teachers. But now, because my English wasn’t good and I’m not familiar with technology, I need my children’s help to handle many everyday tasks. This deeply affected my confidence and made me feel less capable.
My husband Musa has also had trouble learning English because of his hearing problem. Life is busy here, too, so it’s not easy to make social connections. Musa often misses Kabul. He believes that there is no place like your own country.
But what is most important is that my children are truly happy here – and I’m so proud that they are excelling. My eldest, Tamanna, completed a six-month course to become a pharmacy assistant, but she couldn’t find a job in that field. She earned her high school diploma and enrolled in college. Currently, she is in the second semester of her studies to become a flight attendant. She works in a restaurant as well, so she is supporting our family right now. I hope that one day, she becomes a pilot. Abolfazl is in Grade 12 and is also working on weekends to contribute to the family; he is interested in working with the military in the future. And Ali is in Grade 6. He’s made a lot of friends at school, and won an award for teamwork. He wants to join the basketball team next year.
The schools in Canada are beautiful. The buildings are full of large classrooms, with internet and gymnasiums, and everything students need. It deeply saddens me that the girls of my homeland are denied access to education. I truly hope that one day, Afghan girls will be able to study alongside boys again, and have the basic opportunities they rightfully deserve.
I’m grateful that my children have the opportunity to study here. I truly believe that if they take advantage of what’s offered here, they can create successful and secure lives. And for me, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing my children grow and learn. This, I’ve learned, is what it means to thrive.
As for me, I am studying at a high school for adults. My goal is to get my diploma and then go to college to study social work because I’ve always wanted to help people. I would love to work for a major humanitarian organization so I can help people in need. Being part of a community is important to me.
More than anything, I miss my students in Kabul. I miss my school, my coworkers, the friendly environment, and the passion I had for serving my people. But I feel hopeful about my family’s future in this country. Canada has not only given us safety; it has also welcomed us as people with equal rights. Here, immigrants are not just guests; they have the chance to become part of this society, to build a better future, and even become citizens.
My advice to new Afghan immigrants: don’t worry too much about your children’s education or language. They will find their own way. What you can do is work on your own English, learn how to use technology, and try to understand the rules and systems in this country. Canada offers many chances to grow. If you try your best, you can build a good future for yourself and your family.
I’m so happy to be living in Canada, because my children can live in safety, study, work hard and build their future. When you live in a place where you feel safe, calm and happy, you start to feel that it is your home. That’s exactly how we feel.