A wheat stock on a grain farm near Taber, Alberta. Photograph by Todd Korol for The Globe and MailTodd Korol/The Globe and Mail
At last someone has shown the gumption to take on the twin scourges of spitting and salty language. Step forward, municipal politicians of Taber, Alta., and claim your medals.
It's not every day that courageous lawmakers such as you manifest their steely will and uphold community standards.
Good for you, for charging miscreants a Singapore-lite $75 for expectorating on the street.
Well done for slapping a $150 ticket on those uncouth enough to yell or swear, or both, in public (and $250 for a second offence).
For good measure, this valiant band of civic leaders has imposed an 11 p.m. curfew on kids and teenaged ne'er-do-wells, and banned rowdy gatherings of three or more people.
Forget the nervous nellies with all their talk of constitutional rights to association and Charter-protected free expression.
Let them take you to court. And even if they win, you will have the satisfaction of having stood up for 8,100 souls in southeastern Alberta's corn country, all in the name of social rectitude and good manners.
You should also ignore the litany of failed efforts by cities and towns in this country to legislate public behaviour and politeness. They weren't as stalwart as you.
After all, these measures are mostly an amalgamation of existing provisions in Alberta and elsewhere; this is not new territory for you, Taberites. (Or should that be Taberians?)
It's not as if you're not willing to listen to reasoned dissent. The new bylaws will be road-tested for six months and revisited.
Either way, you've provided a valuable tool to the local constabulary.
"We've got crime and insurrection fought to a standstill," Taber police Chief Alf Rudd told the Canadian Press (he couldn't possibly have been joking).
Yes, you do.
"I see people are having fun with it, and I can appreciate that, but if they're thinking the Taber Police Service has the capacity to do the type of enforcement that's being talked about, that's not going to be happening," Mr. Rudd continued.
Oh. Never mind, then.