"The Government will not proceed any further to change our national anthem."
Perhaps it's caused by all the proroguing, who knows, but at times like this you really have to ask if anybody's home down there between Wellington Street and the Ottawa River.
I mean, who was it that came up the idea to rethink the song at the very time that it has never been heard so much or sung with such enthusiasm? And then to look even more foolish by releasing that Friday statement that all but sounded as if the Opposition had come up with the dumb suggestion and the Government was now protecting the anthem on behalf of Canadians.
Personally, I think the discussion would have been quite in order. For there is both good and bad to say about O Canada .
Having just returned from a month in Vancouver, I find it has taken a grip on the brain formerly equalled only by the likes of Sometimes When We Touch and Achy Breaky Heart - only in this case it makes you smile ear-to-ear rather than want to slit your throat over roughly the same distance.
It sent chills up the spine to hear that curling crowd break into an impromptu version as Kevin Martin's Canadian rink was closing in on the gold medal, and it tickled the spine to hear that, at the end of the U.S. men's-hockey-team dinner, a Vancouver restaurant spontaneously broke out in the song as the players were heading out the door.
And yet, there was also a moment when the obvious problem with the national anthem was in full view. It happened at the end of the gold-medal hockey game when the cameras moved in on Prime Minister Stephen Harper, standing with Wayne and Janet Gretzky, as the song headed into a second verse.
The Prime Minister - probably because he must, as an obligation of office - clearly knew the words almost as well as he knows those to With a Little Help from My Friends . Janet Gretzky, because she is from St. Louis and lives in California, can be excused for slightly turning her head so that the camera would not see that she was struggling. Wayne Gretzky also turned his head slightly and touched his nose, perhaps so the fingers would block the fact that he - Canada's chosen torch lighter - was going to have to fake a line or two by mumbling.
Proof, really, that though he may not have lived in this country for 22 years, he is Canadian to the core when it comes to his national anthem.
O Canada may be a tune all adore - especially when accompanied by a rising flag and a teary athlete - but it is also a bit of an absurdity.
It was originally written to celebrate St-Jean Baptiste Day, which is today considered by many to be the least Canadian day of the year.
It was not translated into English for a quarter of a century and then done so bizarrely that there is not a mouth among the 32 million that could wrap itself around words like "No stains thy glorious annals gloss/ Since valour shield thy hearth."
The impossibility of the lyrics was noticed almost at once. Collier's Weekly ran a national competition for superior words and awarded Mercy McCulloch first place for a bit of a travelogue that included "From echoing hills our anthems proudly ring/ With fertile plains and mountains grand/ With lakes and rivers clear. …"
Whether the plural of anthem was intended or not by Ms. McCulloch, it certainly proved prescient.
From that point on, everyone from the famous critic Augustus Bridle to the poet Wilfred Campbell had a go at re-casting the words. British Columbia had its own version with such strained lines as "At Britain's side, whate'er betide/ Unflinching we'll stand."
It is estimated the song has been rewritten, in English, approximately two dozen times. The only two words that haven't been recast are "O" and "Canada" and there is said to be a small movement afoot to have the "O" rewritten so it looks less like a "zero."
By backing off so quickly, the government may protect its natural base but will do nothing to appease those who believe certain songs - let us hope they never turn their attention to the blues - need to be politically correct. They would like to see "in all thy sons command" smartened up in order to recognize the more than half of the population that are not sons. Others would like to see "God" take a hike from the song - just one more example of the bad start to the 21st century He's had.
Those sentiments are not going to go away, no matter what impact of the PMO's "on-second-thought" statement.
That being the case, there remains a simple and superior solution to all the non-sexist, non-religious, non-sensical suggestions being made this past week.
And that is to dump all the words - "sons," "God," "O," "Canada," French and English.
And go the route of Spain, which has a glorious, word-free anthem the people love.
Then we could all happily go back to what most of us do anyway when this hopelessly rewritten and over-thought anthem is sung.
Just hum along.