Conversations for Change
By Shawn Kent Hayashi
McGraw-Hill, 235 pages, $19.95
How many conversations did you hold in the workplace yesterday? How many this week?
Work is a conversation - more accurately, a series of conversations - in which we engage with others in pursuit of common goals. Shawn Kent Hayashi, a communications consultant in Philadelphia, says we actually hold 12 forms of conversations and we must be reasonably proficient at each. In some cases they are sequential (when we meet someone new, for example, we begin with a conversation for connection, and then often move on to a conversation for creating new possibilities), so we must be alert to how the 12 forms interconnect.
"When one or some of these conversations are missing from our dialogues with others, we will not create the success we are looking for. Missing conversations trip us and others up," she writes in Conversations for Change.
Here are the 12 types of conversations:
For connection: This allows you to start building a relationship with someone so that you can work together to attain meaningful results. The conversation requires being fully present. It's not small talk; it's deep connection.
For creating new possibilities: When you have a new idea that you want to discuss with others or want to uncover ideas from team members, you open new doors with this conversation. It provides breathing room so ideas can come alive.
For structure: When we know what we want to create, the next step is to create a plan to get there. This conversation allows you to work out the steps involved.
For commitment: Now you need to determine who will commit to being responsible for each step. This may involve winning a boss's support for your proposal, or getting alignment among team members toward a common goal that you have sketched out.
For action: People often get bogged down in a project because they don't know what to do next. Ms. Hayashi says the magic question to keep the momentum going is, "What is the next action needed?"
For accountability: Here, you bring authority and responsibility into alignment, holding people to account for agreed-upon outcomes. This conversation might include phrases such as "What will it look like if this goal is completed well?" or "How will we hold each other accountable for these goals?"
For conflict resolution: When someone is ignoring an issue that is important to you, or you find yourself ignoring an issue important to a colleague, or there are tensions in a relationship, you need a conversation in which you agree on how to move on together.
For breakdown: If a conversation for conflict resolution does not produce results, and it seems like you have tried everything, you need to acknowledge the severity of the situation. When you admit you are experiencing a breakdown in getting to your goals, you free yourself to re-evaluate what the options are. A good way to start this conversation: "It seems to me we are stuck. Do you see it that way as well?"
For withdrawal and disengagement: Sometimes when things are not working out, you need to take a step back and disengage from a job, friend, colleague or business partner.
For change: This sort of conversation is needed when you are not getting the results you want. It also occurs when a new leader joins the organization or team. Remember that people need time to work through their emotions with change.
For appreciation: When you are grateful for the progress that has been made or want to develop a stronger relationship with others, it helps to offer praise. If you are the recipient of such praise, Ms. Hayashi says, you should "marinate in the positive feeling and let yourself experience it."
For moving on: If a project is ending or someone is leaving your team, you need to encourage everyone to let go, closing the chapter with a meaningful conversation.
Last year, professor Jeffrey Ford, in his book The Four Conversations, highlighted this element of work in a book I praised. Although less is often more, I think in this case readers will get an easier structure to work with from Ms. Hayashi's more elaborate, 12-conversation schema, since it fits more naturally with the cycle of workplace activities.
Special to The Globe and Mail