I recently got a message through Twitter from a colleague. He noticed I had unfollowed him on Twitter, and with a vaguely hinted tone of ill will, he had forwarded me a short article called "Never burn a bridge. Ever."
After some soul searching and a bit of research, I recalled the reason I had stopped following him. It was after he shared an article filled with largely exaggerated facts about an organization I highly respect, the World Economic Forum.
Unintentionally, I had burned a bridge. It was not a strong bridge, but a clearly fragile one, the type of tenuous link we build with people on the Internet. Conflict online rapidly grows out of proportion. One might compare it with road rage; while protected by their glass windows, drivers can utter comments they would never say face to face. In the social media world, while protected behind our screens, our comments often get amplified and misinterpreted.
I recall feeling confused a while ago when the author Paulo Coelho, after following me for years on Twitter, chose to unfollow me. I was baffled, despite the fact that he is followed by 9.8 million, and he currently follows only about 196. Had I done something wrong that I could no longer be among the precious 196? Was my content suddenly worth less to the prolific author? Did it mean I had lost his trust?
In a world of fast media, awkward situations are developing as signs of abandonment are deciphered from an unfollow on Twitter or an unfriend on Facebook. Many of us are asked to explain at some point in time to our friends or family why we decided not to accept a LinkedIn connection request from them. It seems the world is evolving more slowly than its tools. It is still too delicate today to openly delete people from your life. So a new etiquette is needed. Here's what I suggest:
1. Be clear on your profile – your follows or unfollows are based on current content and interests. They're not personal. Warn people they may change from time to time, such as when you expect to unfollow a large number of them if you are attending a conference and want to clear your information streams to focus on that.
2. Get back to whomever you did not friend or follow and explain why. On LinkedIn, for example, I restrict my connections to colleagues I am or will be working with. When a new request comes in that doesn't fit my rule, I find that a simple explanation of this is usually well received.
3. Bridges can have many lanes. Providing people an alternate channel of communication – in my case, Twitter – has allowed me to establish a connection with someone when I don't accept their LinkedIn request. Some social-media networks simply give you more "open space" than others. LinkedIn can be reserved for people you personally know, while Twitter or Facebook tend to feel more public.
4. You can cross the bridge many times differently. Engaging in social media can be time consuming, so select well those you wish to interact with. There is nothing wrong with adapting the list of people you are following so it matches your interest of the moment. When I attend a conference, for instance, I tend to follow many of the participants and speakers during that week, and unfollow them when the conference is over.
5. Understand why someone might unfollow you from Twitter. Some unfollows are mistakes, but others have valid reasons and do not mean a public disapproval about who you are. They should be taken pragmatically rather than personally. A study done by DK New Media showed that 52 per cent of people who unfollow do so when the account is too "noisy," 48 per cent when it has too much self-promotion, 47 per cent when the content is viewed as spam, 43 per cent when the content is not interesting enough, and 29 per cent when it contains too much repetition or too much automation.
6. Pick up the phone. Jarod Kintz, author of I am Jacksonville, said: "With networking, some people build bridges, some people burn bridges, and some people, like myself, use a boat to cross the river that divides us from one another." A personal phone call can be your boat and clear many a misunderstanding.
Estelle Metayer (@Competia) is the principal and founder of Competia, a leadership and strategy consulting firm, and is an adjunct professor with McGill University's leadership business programs.