The Toronto Maple Leafs named Jim Hiller their head coach on Wednesday. The former Los Angeles Kings head coach was relieved of his duties by the club on March 1.Jayne Kamin-Oncea/The Associated Press
When you think of the Leafs these days, the image that comes to mind is one of those pyramids the Aztecs built. Everyone they hire is starting to feel like a potential human sacrifice.
The latest guy getting marched up the steps is Jim Hiller. He was just named the club’s new head coach.
It’s unexpected, but not in a fun, ‘Whoa!’ way. More in a confused, ’Who?’ way.
He was introduced on Wednesday by the last big hire, GM John Chayka, who speed-read his way through prepared remarks.
“To our players, this decision was made with you in mind,” Chayka said, sounding like he was late for a flight. “We didn’t hire to satisfy a narrative or check a box. We hired based on what we believed would be best to support your growth, both individually and collectively.”
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I’ve done this online HR module. It’s unfair to make me sit through it again.
Hiller had the sense to come armed with an anecdote about Cliff Fletcher. After that, it was downhill. A lot of hockey woo-woo about “the spirit of the team.” A sample line: “Skating. It’s the first chain in competing.” I’ve been through this module, too, but it was about phishing.
What is it with the Leafs and authenticity? When they go out for a beer, do they all read PowerPoints at each other?
Hiller, 57, is a hockey lifer who only recently made it to the top. He inherited the L.A. Kings’ job, had one great complete season, half of a terrible one and then they ran him out of town. How bad do things have to be going for the crowd in Los Angeles to notice, never mind react?
Hiller worked as an assistant under then-head coach Mike Babcock from 2015 to 2019 in Toronto, before joining the Islanders' coaching staff.Darren Calabrese/The Canadian Press
This is the second surprise move the Leafs have pulled in as many days. On Tuesday, they traded fan-favourite goalie Joseph Woll and fan-indifferent defenceman Simon Benoit for spare parts. Nobody saw that one coming. Nobody cared, either. Hiller is the coaching equivalent of that trade. Just … whatever.
No knock against the guy, but people were expecting more of a bang. This must be what Chayka calls “a narrative,” and I would call ‘excitement.’
You get the awful feeling that Hiller’s wasn’t the first leg Chayka rubbed under the table with his stockinged foot. Just the one that rubbed back.
Why did it take so long to hire a guy anybody could have hired at any time? Yes, yes, due diligence. This is always how it works in sports. A person you really want becomes available and you text them and say, ‘Listen, I would hire you, but first I need to talk to all of your grade-school teachers. Do yourself a favour and tell me right now – were you a paste eater?’
If you are the biggest club in the world – which the Leafs keep saying they are – you don’t need due diligence. You need a sense of direction.
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You do what the other biggest clubs in the world do – identify the ideal candidate and get them, even if you have to take them from someone else. Especially if you have to take them from someone else. They don’t choose you. You choose them.
Instead, the Leafs talk like the New York Yankees, and hire like the Toledo Mud Hens.
Hiller worked for the Leafs under Mike Babcock. There’s been some – ahem – turnover since then, but if he’s so great, why the song and dance? Why not go straight for him? It’s not like you were working through a language barrier.
It is hard not to suspect an ongoing crisis of indecision. The Leafs have never been good at making a hard call, and are getting worse.
Then-head coach of the Maple Leafs Mike Babcock speaks to assistant coaches Jim Hiller, right, and D.J. Smith during a 2019 game in Nashville.Frederick Breedon/Getty Images
This is why people are so fixated on the Matthew Knies trade that fell apart at the deadline because it was pushed through late. Some outfits make measured decisions, and some make knee-jerk ones. The Leafs don’t do either well, or willingly.
Maybe it’s because nothing the Leafs do can ever be wrong that so little of what they do turns out right. Experience has turned them into ditherers extraordinaire. This is how they got stuck on Mitch Marner, and how they’re currently hung up by Auston Matthews.
Whatever the case, this mess is now on Hiller. In L.A., he had the space to work. In Toronto, the whole city will be draped across his lap the second he gets behind a desk.
His first order of business – make Matthews happy. Everybody knows it. Which means that Matthews is the real coach.
Letting the players do what they feel is, in part, what got Toronto into this jackpot. So now they’re going to put them even more in charge? Interesting plan. A bold vision.
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Babcock got four years to adjust. Hiller might get that many weeks. If this club isn’t scoring like a pinball machine straight away, he’s already in trouble.
So for right now, what we’re talking about isn’t the future. It’s the very imminent present. Until he proves otherwise, Hiller is a temp in charge of the Leafs. If it works, amazing. If it goes pear shaped, he won’t have that much stuff to put in a box before security starts dragging him out the door.
It is often asked who’d want to be the Leafs’ coach. It should be a million people. It should be everyone. You don’t get into this work unless you want to occupy the highest perch. The Leafs offer that. Every time this job changes hands, the news should be so hot it’s giving off sparks.
Did that happen here? No. There was a long list of guys who didn’t really want the job, and at least one who did. That we know of.
Goes to show that the wrong way to follow this hockey team is in the standings. Those will fool you, and have done so consistently for a decade.
You’ll know the Leafs are good again when they hang out a ‘Help Wanted’ sign, and people come begging for a chance, not the other way around.