My anatomically perfect avatar won't stop reminding me that I'm doing my leg exercises incorrectly.
"Please refocus your attention on your legs."
"Uh-oh, legs!"
"Your legs need a little help," she instructs during sets of heel jacks, jump kicks and frog leaps.
"But I have a ligament sprain!" I tell her, realizing at once that I'm speaking to a television screen.
I try the moves again, and this time she commends me with a voice that sounds like a cross between Heidi Montag and Reese Witherspoon. "Now you're really getting into it!"
Herein lies the biggest strength and weakness to the Your Shape fitness product for Nintendo Wii: It can see me but it can't understand me.
Launched late last year, Your Shape "stars" Jenna McCarthy and comes with a Ubisoft camera that you mount on top of a TV, similar to a webcam.
After inputting details such as age, gender, height and weight, I stand in two different positions to allow the camera to scan my body. Once a profile has been created, I have the option to customize my workout: burn or strength; duration, and areas to target.
What happens next is undeniably cool. Within the screen is a picture-in-picture projection of my living room that acts as a mirror so I can watch myself exercise. Beside me is the anatomically perfect coach, who moves as fluidly as any live trainer. She can sense when my body movements aren't in sync with hers, and she offers tutorials for every one of the 480-plus exercises.
Not so cool: She is prone to getting stuck in a workout rut. One time, she made me do four sets of plié squats back-to-back. Curse her! Still, the product ($74.99) is an improvement upon the original Wii Fit program in that you can exercise without holding the remote. Perhaps the most glaring glitch is that, unless I'm missing something, there's no way to pause the workout. Should I need to step away from the TV to answer the phone or go to the bathroom, she will gently admonish me with: "Hey, shake it, and get a move on please!"
The program also allows me to log outdoor activities, from walking to swimming. Diet and lifestyle tips appear during the transitions ("Instead of a morning cup of joe, switch to a bracing mug of peppermint tea"). A comprehensive website features a blog, forum and gallery for updates on your better, buffer body.
When Ms. McCarthy appeared on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien not long ago, she referred to Your Shape as "a game." She's right. Because for all the jumping around and pseudo resistance training that Your Shape prompts people to do, it doesn't replace a certified professional. And despite best efforts to make the coach seem real - she will fix her virtual hair and change her cropped tank tops from day to day - she's ultimately just a dumb blonde with a perfect body.